No Accidents?

On Wednesday nights I sometimes attend a service at a Unity church. Its a meditation, healing service. So tonight despite the freezing rain, I went. It's not far from my house and I wanted to ask for prayers for a woman from my Tuesday group and get my silent prayer sit in. She was married this past August and became pregnant on her honeymoon. Storybook right? Well, she just found out that the baby has tested postive for spina bifida. Of course she is devastated and she came to the meeting last night and was just enveloped by the loving of the group. It was a blessing to be a part of it. I watched Oprah today and Michael Beckwith spoke about how circumstances such as these in your life are really "gifts of the unfoldment of the soul". We need these experiences to develop our soul. I pray that this woman and her husband have an opportunity to grieve for the baby they will not have so that they can experience the joy of the baby they will have. And I pray for the unborn child to develop to be all that he or she can be as intended. Please keep them in your prayers as well.

It's very icy here in New England. And sadly, after the service, I ripped off the grill of a woman's Volvo as I tried to skid out of my parking space in my husband's truck. I don't know how I backed into her car except that it was parked too far forward and I misjudged the space I had and the truck slid. The edge of the grill where it connects to the fender, was literally hooked into the corner of the truck bumper....I have no idea how that happened except that it was stuck and I didn't know it because it was dark and I couldn't see that we were stuck. So when I moved forward, which took much effort and spinning of tires, it ripped her puny plastic grill and bumper from the car all around the headlights. Probably should not done that but I don't know how else we would have gotten our cars apart. Once I realized that we were connected I stopped moving forward. If I had kept going I probably would have pulled the whole damn thing off. I could not believe how much damage there was. Not a scratch to the truck though. I went back into the church to see who owned the car. I kind of wish I had just left. Not that I could have, our cars were literally stuck together and had to be pryed apart. As I called out for the owner, she just stormed out of the church...not even allowing an explanation of what had happened.

Needless to say she was quite upset. It looked really bad. It was really bad. My apologies were not accepted though I did accept hers, she was really hard to deal with and I'm still shaking because there was no getting over it for her. I had to pry her personal information from her so that I can give it to my insurer. It took at least a half hour just to get her a phone number and she wouldn't even give me her name. She wouldn't provide me her registration. I had given her all mine and assured her I would call my agent first thing in the morning but there was not much I could do if she wouldn't do anything but stomp around me and yell about how terrible this was and it was going to devastate her life and refuse my offers of help and assurances that it would be taken care of. I told her I would leave, actually thinking this would be better as well. I was also tired of being abused and said so. Of course that created outrage and I probably shouldn't have said it....her guy friend said, Hey, you are the one that hit her and YOU'RE UPSET? I replied that yes I was. I had apolgized, I had given her all the information I could, took responsiblity and offered even more help but she was refusing to give me any information or accept help from me so there wasn't much more I could do but stand there and take it and I didn't think that was necessary.

I was trying to remain calm throughout all this but I must admit I was crying. It was just so frustrating to deal with this woman. I understood her anger but I couldn't fix it. I just had her phone number and her plate at that point. Figured that would be enough for the agent..but that last exchange got her more upset so she called the police. I said that would probably be a good idea and I'd be happy to stay for that. And I told her that she might as well get her registration now because the police would want it. That is when she finally gave me her name and address. She couldn't find her registration though her plate indicated that she was current. When the police finally came and in our small town, you don't get just one squad car, you get 2, plus a fire engine and an ambulance, she sent them away...I talked to them briefly..showed them my truck, her car. I said do you need to be here? And he said not if she didn't want them..and I don't think I needed them. So they all left.

She has a lot of stuff going on apparantly and she did finally speak to me and she apologized and said she undestood it was an accident but that she had kids at home, father slipped on the ice, she needs her car to work and she didn't know what to do, so I am trying not to take it personally except for the part that I DID devastate her vehicle. And I accepted her apology. Told her I understood. But between you and me, she really was horrible. Hard to believe we just came out of a healing service. Her car was drivable at least though after her friend and another man used the ties my husband has for his bikes to tie up her grill. I was practically throwing the ties at them I wanted to help so desparately. I made another mistake at that point as well, I suggested that perhaps her friend could drive her car home as she was so upset...I offered to follow and bring him back to the church and then the other gentleman offered to do the same. She really was in no condition to drive. We had actually hugged when she apologized...I may have smelled alcohol, I don't know. It was more her anger I think. Maybe I just wanted to smell alcohol to justify her behavior, we had just come out of church afer all. But that really pissed her off even more. She said....I don't need YOUR concern. So I backed off and turned it over. It seemed like that was all I could do was back off..she wouldn't let me leave..but I couldn't do anything either. Maybe if she accepted any help from me, I could no longer be the bad guy in her life. She ended up jumping in her car, speeding off, leaving her friend who was going to drive and the man who was to follow in the dust. I hope she made it home. That's all I need to hear, that she crashed into a tree on the way home or worse. I guess all I can do is pray for her but that is going to be difficult.

The good part of all of this, except for her and her male friend (and he really wasn't that bad, just trying to support his friend and busy with making the car drivable), the other people hanging around to help were all quite nice. Very empathetic to me and my dilemma. Of course that just made me cry more. But the other gentleman who was helping her friend tie on the grill, the women in his car who were waiting (one of whom had just shared at the service that today was her 22nd anniversary of sobriety and the day of her first chemo treatment), the minister and his wife, just very nice, kind and thoughtful. And they all seemed to know her yet they were very kind to me. I was the stranger of the group. So I guess I'll try to focus on that instead of the additional burden I accidentally placed upon this woman. And I know that is what it was. I was just the straw that broke the camel's back. Been there myself. Done that. But you know, I like to think that had I been in her circumstance I would have handled myself with more compassion and understanding. Yes, it would have been a pain in the butt, but I would have accepted it. I don't think I would have treated another person like that. I hope not. And that is all because of Alcoholics Annonymous. And because of AA I will try to let this experience go..not harbor any resentment for the treatment, take responsibility for my actions...and learn how not to be a punching bag. And for this I am grateful.

Anyway, I think I'll walk to Unity from now on...and I probably won't go alone anymore... I'll make sure my friends are there too. I need someone to defend me when I can't defend myself. Thanks for "listening". Maybe I can sleep now.

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: He leadeth me beside still waters. He restoreth my soul: He leadeth me in paths of righteousness for His name’s sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for Thou art with me; Thy rod and Thy staff they comfort me. Thou prepares a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: Thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.

Thank you God.