I am Blessed.

This could sound disgustingly positive particularly for people who are in pain. But...tonight I have invited a group of sober women to come over to view a movie called One. I've posted about it here before so I won't go into details but these are women who have become my friends in AA and this is my Christmas present to them. A gathering together and an intersting movie that I am sure will lead to an interesting discussion.

After I put this invitation together and sent it out, I received an invitation to a joint suprise party for 2 dear friends (not in the program). I knew I couldn't go and was a bit upset that I had not been included in the plans where I could have told them this date would not work FOR ME. I had to RSVP that I could not go....but that I would still contribute. This party will be about food and drink.

So today, I will take the wings from the crockpot that have been cooking all night and put them in the oven to crisp them up. I will clean my house which is a huge mess. I will make roasted nuts for my party. I will wrap presents. I will go to the sports bar where they are having this party (in the function room upstairs) to bring my contribution and presents and to help my friends decorate. Then I will come home again to make sure everything is ready for my gathering. I will go to my meditation meeting and then a Centering Prayer workshop afterwords. An hour before my guests arrive I will get home and hope I can pull it all together, but a few of the women will be with me so I'll just suck it up and say this is it.

For awhile I was stressing a bit over all this and procrasitnating about what I had to do to do everything. Lamenting that I was just a girl who couldn't say no. That i had taken on too much by offering to help with the suprise party that I was not going to attend. Acutally I can get there when the women leave my house. This party will go on until midnight or so. My gathering of sober women will probably end early enough that I can make an appearance. But did I want to? They will all have been drinking. How messy will it be? Maybe I won't go at all. I don't HAVE to be there. I did my part. But now, we'll just see how it unfolds. And if able I will WANT to go there. Not because I want to make an appearance but because these are women I love.

I am blessed because I have ALL of these friends. New friends in sobriety who GET me, understand my problem, are on the same spiritual path. And my old friends who have been through life with me, and accept me for who I am and have supported my journey.

I will start my day by going to a meeting as soon as I finish this post. I am no longer stressed about the day and what it will bring. Geesh, compared to 2 years ago, this is gravy. I would have drank all night on Friday. Friday was my favorite night to drink. If anyone asked what's your favorite day of the week, I'd say Friday because I knew when I got home from work I could drink without worrying about the next day. Not that I drank any more than any other day but I could drink knowing I wouldn't have to put myself back together the next morning. I could sleep it off though I usually woke up because a drunk sleep is not restful and lay on the couch all day trying to alleviate symptoms and begin to drink as soon as I could to feel better. And I never would have been looking forward to these gatherings. I would have been dreading them. I liked to hibernate when I drink. I was antisocial. Oh, put me in a social situation I could become the life of the party, but I didn't want to be there and it would take a lot of "will power" to get me there. Lived my life with a lot of excuses as to why I couldn't do things. When it was really that I just wanted to drink in peace.

What a difference. I am blessed...all this and snow tonight too. Have a great and sober day everyone. xo