But I need to be grateful about this. Grateful that I am a RECOVERING alcoholic. Because I am recovering I take care of my physical, mental and spiritual malady through the program of Alcoholics Annonymous. I don't drink. Because of AA, I now see a therapist to help with the underlying emotional/mental issues. My therapist sent me to a neuropharmacologist to discuss the anitdepressant I take and whether I needed it or not, physical. She sent me to a nutrionist who ordered the bloodwork checking for B12, physical. And wala! I am diagnosed. This never would have happened if I was still drinking. And if I was still drinking it is pretty apparant to me that I WOULD have ended up just like my mother.
But the gratitude doesn't really help with the emotions I am feeling right now. A combination of relief and regret. Relief that I will be getting the treatment I need that will help with some of the physical symptoms I have been experiencing. Maybe I will get out to the garden after all. Maybe I am not really slothful, but physically incapable. But regret that I have done this to myself. I know, I know....you don't have to tell me. This is where the spiritual aspect of this program comes in. And so I thank God for my sobriety which helps me to take care of myself which in turn allows me to help others.