How cool is this!
I am sitting home alone tonight and its awesome. Woke up late this morning...rolled out of bed, brushed my teeth and washed my face and went to the morning meeting...WITHOUT COFFEE. Thankfully we had some there waiting for me, along with Dennis, the gentleman who has told me to keep smiling since I walked in the door. He helped me so much...because even when I didn't feel like smiling I did just so he would think I was okay. Of course he knew I wasn't but he kept that message to me as he stood by the entrance with his cigarette and coffee. This morning, there he was again, all smiling and cheerful at 6:45 am. I wasn't so cheerful this morning and I wasn't quite smiling. I need that first cup of coffee first...but I could tell him that I was smiling on the inside....didn't need to fake the outside smile anymore. Came home after the meeting and launched into the financial aid forms I need to fill out so that my kids can go to college. Since my son will be a freshman, we need to fill these out early and estimate our tax returns, which takes some doing. I finished that up...took a nice nap...and then puttered around my kitchen.
I have sent my husband to Mohegan Sun to see Cheech & Chong as a Christmas gift. I told him I was ambivalent about going with him and suggested he call a buddy which he did. They will spend the night..and I am grateful to have given my husband this gift. He doesn't get out as much as I do. He just doesn't have the network that I have now in sobriety. He doesn't have meetings and not that many friends so I am glad he gets a night out with a friend...My son is out as usual and here I am.
This is a night I would have relished to drink alone. Instead, I am cozy in my house, surrounded by books, watching a c-span program on the history of the white house. My notebook is next to me as I am about to embark on Step 4 again, this time in more detail. I have to list the people, institutions and principles I have had resentment towards to begin with. I didn't go to a meeting tonight though I had planned to. I was just too cozy and warm and its just too cold out. I really like being comfortable and this is only possible because of my sobriety through the program of Alcoholics Annonymous.
I made calls yesterday to some women I have not seen in the halls in awhile. Didn't reach any of them but I hope they hear my voice and know we are waiting for them when they are ready. That is the only way I will stay sober, to continue to reach out...not to rest on my laurels...and though I stayed home tonight I am by no means on my laurels...Thank You God.
5 comments:
A very young girl has been 'out' for two weeks, after seeming to do so well for 60 days.
She was sitting in the room at 6AM when i walked in, and my heart SMILED, and beat faster. And she smiled tenderly. Oh, God, please let it be Your will that she hears this time.
She will be GOOD. Why not sooner, rather then later???
This soudnslike a great day indeed and isn't it a joy to just be able to be yourself and not have to fake a smile but your heart is still smiling.
Love ya
G
To spend alone, content, and willing to look at yourself to boot. Now that's a miracle. Love the Rx.
Ah yes, Mohegan Sun. My Step-daughter and family lived in Waterford CT for a time and we attended the buffets regularly. I love the pic and I love your post. I could just feel the serenity! Laurels my foot! Good luck on Step 4 again. It is so vital and rewarding. I need to finish mine again. There's laurels....LU J.
It sounds like you are comfortable. I'm glad that you checked up on the women that you hadn't seen. Reaching out to those that may need help is a great part of the program.
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