Florence Nighingale I'm Not

No really, I don't deserve this.

My husband just had knee surgery on Friday afternoon. A torn miniscus. Not to mention, arthritis. Now, I don't want to say this but my husband is a scaredy cat. Full of fear. He did not trust his doctor....who does a million of these...but went in search of ways to disprove him in the month leading up to the surgery. Okay, we all do research....its good to be educated. But too much knowledge can be a problem. Then it was the anesthesia....he had to be sedated just to get it. And now post op...he didn't want to leave the hospital...for fear of "something" happening...he was literally grasping at straws....and now home...I'm not concerned enough, I'm not paying attention, I don't hover enough, I don't coddle, I'm not "doing it" right.

I want him to be a grown up. I want him to toughen up. I want him to shake it off. I want him to stop being a big baby. And even more, I want him to stop expecting so much from me. Irregardless of his expecations, or because of them, no matter what I do is not right and not what he thinks I should be doing. And when I ask him specifically what he wants its either impossible or he's upset because I didn't think of it on my own.

So maybe I'm going to far into the other extreme.....I don't know. I just know that I am not taking care of him in the way that he wants and there is possibly no way possible to do it. An example..last night...I couldn't stay up so I said...

I'm going to bed...are you coming up tonight?

I don't know if I can do the stairs.

Okay, well maybe sleep on the couch again tonight...I said as I was going up the stairs.

You just want the bed to yourself.

This is his response. Geesh. Now, I do like to have the bed to myself....I always tell him this when he goes away for the weekend....bliss....but that was not in my mind. My mind was logical...if you are not ready for the stairs....then sleep on the couch. That simple. I'm trying to tell him that's okay. But that's not how he's taking it. (BTW, he did come up at about 1 am)

There's more but it was like that all day yesterday. I am not looking forward to today.

My own part in this....I'm trying but I am also expressing my frustration, either by expression or by words. Trying to gently ease him into thinking that its not a big deal. But it is to him so I need to just shut up. Just shut up! He expresses a fear...a doubt...I don't need to talk him out of it..I should just nod my head....I'll work harder at caring for him today. And hopefully on Day 2 he won't need as much...the physical needs I can take care of...its his emotional needs that I'm having a problem with. I wish he had a program.