What It Was Like

We had a new person at our meeting this morning. He introduced himself as undecided. I know I spent my life undecided. Well acutally, I had decided. I decided I was not an alcoholic and that I was just like everyone else. I was remembering in my morning group the time around 1981 or 1982 when on my way home from the "disco" Daniel's, at about 2 in the morning or maybe 3, can't remember if they had the extra hour, I smashed my Toyota Corolla into a lamppost on the onramp of the highway. I woke up slumped forward on my steering wheel (this was before airbags), bleeding with some guy peering at me through the drivers side window. A good samaratian. He must have come up on the onramp behind me. When the cop came, he said that he was a friend of mine and they let him take me home. I think I said there was an oil slick and I lost control. They either believed me or more likely because it was a lamppost I hit and not another vehicle they let this guy bring me home,...TO MY APARTMENT WHERE I LIVED ALONE, things were different then. But he really was a good samaratian. I was not assaulted or raped though I certainly was in the position to have been. He just brought me home. We talked for awhile, I may or may not have kissed him, don't remember, and then I passed out. He left a note that I found in the morning with his name and phone number. I did call him but I wouldn't go out with him. I said thank you, gave him a necklace and said sayonara. Don't want to be reminded of THAT, plus he just wasn't cute enough. Ugh!

I often think that had that officer done a field sobriety test and/or arrested me, or if that nice guy had assaulted me, maybe I would have "decided" much earlier in my life that I was an alcoholic. That the kind of drinking I did was not normal. But my journey has been my journey and I am grateful I am where I am today. Grateful to be alive. "We will not regret the past nor will we wish to close the door on it" or something like that. I want to remember what it was like so I can appreciate what it is like now.