"Here's my problem with the 12 Step Program: I get halfway up the steps, then my fear of heights kicks in."
(from the comic strip Rhymes with Orange by Hilary Price)
I found this strip in my mother's apartment this morning (not the picture, just the joke). She had cut it out. So now I am wondering, did she ever have experience with the 12 steps before? Of course, I didn't ask her. Anything deeper than beyond where her check is, is usually meant with a vacant stare or a shrug or an I don't remember. So I have given up trying. Though I probably still have one left in me and this could be a starting off point for making a verbal amends to her. I've written my letter to her and I just don't want to bang my head against a wall. That is something to pray about.
I found this strip in my mother's apartment this morning (not the picture, just the joke). She had cut it out. So now I am wondering, did she ever have experience with the 12 steps before? Of course, I didn't ask her. Anything deeper than beyond where her check is, is usually meant with a vacant stare or a shrug or an I don't remember. So I have given up trying. Though I probably still have one left in me and this could be a starting off point for making a verbal amends to her. I've written my letter to her and I just don't want to bang my head against a wall. That is something to pray about.
Anyway, I thought it was funny and very true. We were just talking this morning about walking through our fears and what makes us uncomfortable. I suggested to my new sponsee, (yes I am going to give it a shot) that she sit in the circle this morning instead of way in the back by herself. She did and stuck her tongue out at me but she did. And she spoke. About how uncomfortable she was. Restless, irritable and discontent. But she spoke and that opened the meeting for others who felt the same way or remembered feeling the same way.
I have found that the more uncomfortable I am doing things in my sobriety, the more that means I should do them. Last night I went to my women's group with only 15 minutes left. I've never done that before. Maybe a few minutes but most of the meeting? No way. I've seen others do it and I've heard 15 minutes is better than none. I wanted to see my sponser and talk about this sponser stuff. I wanted to stand in the circle holding hands and say the Lord's Prayer. The whole ride there I was talking to myself. Should I or shouldn't I? But I found my car driving there so I went and it was fine. Huge smiles greeted me and I felt safe. In just 15 minutes I heard some incredible things. One of the women received her 1 year medallion and I was so happy to be there for her. And then I got to talk to my sponser and between that and the supportive suggestions and warnings from you all, I felt guided to my decision.
Or is it my decision?, she said tapping her finger on her chin looking up to the sky:)
Or is it my decision?, she said tapping her finger on her chin looking up to the sky:)
11 comments:
my comment on your post yesterday - i have 2 fears at the moment.. GETTING a sponsee and NOT getting a sponsee. somehow i thought you could relate.
this is happening because it is supposed to happen - you'll find out why later.
love ya girl
I went to my meeting last night for the last half, I was a little frazzled but still glad I went.
Glad that the sponsee heeded your advice. Hope that it all works out. Funny--there was a lady at the meeting last night who came for the last 15 minutes.
I have learned a good lesson when I read and then believed: "The only thing an alcoholic does in moderation is the steps." Good luck as a sponsor. You will be find. After all, all you have to know is your own story. LU BG
i love getting out of the comfort zone. its nearly always a good thing. thanks for shaing!
yeah i go late to meetings too!
Nice job chica! Glad you went.
Amazing! I find that when I seek counsel from AA friends (with sobriety!) and read our blogs AND the comments, somewhere along the line God speaks to me. He 'uses' all you AA people. And when I cap that off with true prayer, asking only for knowledge of His will for me, and the power to carry it out, I am more likely to be guided to prudent decisions.
And isn't that the way it's SUPPOPSED to work?
Loved this post Kathy Lynne.
We put forth our best effort, do whatever we can and then leave the results up to God.
Sounds like you are in a lot better space today than yesterday. Glad to hear it. Makes me happy.
Good luck, you will do fine!! Someone once said, we can't screw up another alcoholic any worse than they already are by trying to help them stay sober anyway!
Like it. Great post.
15 mins at a meeting is better than 15 mins with a drink, IMHO.
It's so brave of you to take on a sponsee like the one you have. I never really felt like I would make a good sponsor. A good friend, yes, but sponsor, no. Maybe I should have moved out of my comfort zone too.
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