I was thinking last night about how many of us describe ourselves as "functioning alcoholics". Wish I had run to the blog as I was thinking because of the brilliance I was experiencing:)....but I'll try to explore it now. I described myself as functioning. I was able to hold down a job and even advance, hold onto my marriage, have 2 children, I had a nice home, I drove, I had friends, I was active in my community, people liked me, I read books and talked about them and on and on.My life on the outside appeared to be normal.
Sometimes when I hear functioning alcoholic it sounds as though we were proud of it. I didn't fall into the gutter like you...I didn't go to jail....I didn't lose my children... I know we add the word YET to that but really...
But what is functioning really? Is our purpose to merely function? Do we have a soul when we function? Are we contributing to society when we function? Are we fulfilling our duties and responsibilities as parents when we function? Are we a friend when we function? Are we a worker among workers when we function? Are we a partner when we function? Are we living life as it was intended to be when we function?
Managing to function while actively drinking or using is a real danger...it allows us to deny our humanity because everything on the outside is acceptable. I no longer want to live an acceptable life. I want to live a fulfilling life. And that's what I intend to do, today.
4 comments:
functioning alcoholic means i've fooled enough people to be able to get away with still drinking, hiding the reality, and to allow myself to continue lying to myself...
Yes! Excellent point! With only one chance at life (that I know of), I want to do so much more than just function. I want to live live live and I want the people around me to feel that too.
Thanks Kathy Lynne. Enjoy this gorgeous day outside.
Oh, I was totally a functioning alcoholic. I got my MBA at the Wharton school (UPenn) in finance, which I HATED while drunk most of the time. I didn't know who the hell I was. I told my parents I wanted to quit because, and I quote, "This is killing me." I was told, "You should stick to this because you will have this amazing impressive degree and you'll never regret it."
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Ten years later and I could give a shit about my Ivy League masters degree. My liver barely survived the ordeal and the subsequent years of drinking while I struggled to figure out how to do more than function.
I'm just now getting past the resentment that my parents didn't care that what I was doing was making me sicker.
I didn't fully own my life until I gave the drinking up and began to be a human being.
Excellent post, Kathy.
Very good post. Never gave it much thought before, but I am now.
Post a Comment