Okay, big step. Using the clunker analogy, I think I finally decided that I can't fix it myself. I think I was deluding myself that lurking on the AABC group, blogging and reading up and doing the exercises on the Smart Recovery Website was enough, but that is like researching how a car works and then trying to follow the directions on how to get it started. This makes no sense to me because it is always easier to follow directions when you have seen someone do it.
So having that revelation late this morning, I looked up all the meetings and found one within an hour away. I need a mechanic. So I hopped in the car and drove away but got lost. I probably could have found it but I would have been late and I don't have enough confidence to walk in at the middle. So I turned around and came home. The drive helped me to clear my head and there is a meeting close by that I can go to at 8 tonite. So, I guess I'm gonna do it. Shit, it makes me nervous thinking about it which is why I wanted to jump in that minute without waiting. It makes me hopeful at the same time. So I'll keep busy until 8. 3 hours to go.
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4 comments:
Just read your posts, I love the clunker post, and yeh its abit nervracking walking into meetings for the first time, its gets easier.
Morning meetings are usually good at weekends. Lots of busy people with lives!! Not always though. The ? Better parts of town tend to be more upbeat. Again not always. They all vary. No two groups are the same. I like the ones where they go for coffee after. Shiny happy people are good! Laughter is good! If they are all depressed and want to drink, that is BAD!! (in my opinion) Fake, clappy ones drive me mad. Melodramatic, sugary over emotional ones make me want to puke a bit. Grim, serious, earnest, depressed lethargy is utterly repellant. Jobless doesn't inspire me either. Muddled and wooly irritates me! Basically, I am a fussy bastard! I can't help it! I KNOW what I like and I KNOW what I don't like. Its not a crime! If you look around I'm sure you will find a good one.. Ask yourself 'DO THESE PEOPLE HAVE WHAT I WANT? That's always a good 'rough' starting point.
I did a LOT of research into the expertise of the 'mechanic' before I hired one. I wanted to see the cars they had already worked on to see if they had broken down since, and see if they were very easy to maintain and drove well, or if they required a LOT of upkeep and just didn't handle tight corners or sudden maneuvers very well. ie. they 'work' but they are a crap drive. Basically I looked for (what I considered to be) the highest quality repair job, and only THEN did I request the help of one of the mechanics.
I measure the 'quality' of work, by quite a few things. Relapse is NOT a recommendation! If relapse has not occurred, BOTH IN THEMSELVES AND PREVIOUS SPONSEES, then I look at whether they have a DESIRE to drink at all. If that checks out, then I look at performance under pressure. Ie. Do they fall apart once a year when the proverbial hits the fan. I check their mechanic friends and the group of people that taught them how to be a mechanic (ie home group and their sponsor) to see what kind of shape they are in. if all those checked out, then I looked for individual strengths and weaknesses in the mechanic themselves. How much self pity and gratitude? How much Pride and humility? how much anger/bitterness or acceptance? how much fear, depression? Intolerance? Gossip? Dishonesty? 'uncomfortable in ones own skin', how 'competent' were they? Flaky? Reliable? 13th stepping newcomers? You name it! Basically looked at to what extent they were suffering from character defects. A bit over the top I know! But I'm glad I did the research before I plumped for a mechanic. Most do not make quite such a fuss!! My Sponsees generally have done no such work when they ask me to sponsor them. They just ask me because I am friendly to them and offer advice. It only becomes apparent to them after step 9 that the quality of workmanship is to a pretty high standard compared to a lot of other people the bump into. Whatever. But I decided to research my options BEFORE I asked someone to sponsor me. But then as you already know I pretty much do not trust ANYONE to be competent. Even if they have some sort of 'label' or position. I assume most people are a bit crap and am always pleasantly surprised if I find they have actually done a pretty good job of something. But that's my cynicism. Most people are a lot more trusting. Being a cynical bastard has advantages when selecting a sponsor if it makes you get up off your arse and research your options properly, but it is a fairly uncomfortable emotional perspective. Trusting feels nicer. Its just I am hard wired not to trust anyone. Its my default setting. Not very pleasant but in SOME instances it has its uses!
hey! just found your site, and i truely hope you make it!
For people new to meetings who, have already decided they are in the right place and are ready to go through the steps, I suggest they read the AA's leaflet Q&A on sponsorship, theres a link in the margin on my blog under useful stuff. Then look and listen around meetings specifically for someone "of the same sex" to do this job, take them through the steps. The Q&A leaflet will show you what a sponsor is and isnt and the role of a sponsee is too. Keep intouch with "potentials", talk to them, observe the during coffee after meetings, in between meetings on the phone, they need to be reasonably accessible and a someone you to be able to talk to. I had to put away my own private tick box, which asks have they got the right, job, postcode, hairstyle, accent, car, bank balance, dress sense, similar food & music tastes... "its" someone to go through the steps with, not a new best friend or fashion accessory. I found out!!
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