Day 14

I did it. I went to my first meeting last night. I drove by at first because I missed the driveway and there were people hanging out in front smoking and I was very self conscious but I sucked it up, turned around and went in. I was about 5 minutes early. Didn't really like the way it was set up. It was a huge room with about 20 tables a few couches and people were very scattered. I didn't know where to sit, so I grabbed a chair at the first empty table from the back. I was shaking but remained calm. I should have gotten there just a bit later, so no waiting time.

It was a speaker meeting and the gentleman who spoke has had a real rough time and has been sober since April this time. He has been drinking since the early 70's (like me). His teenage years sounded just like mine. The rest of it not so much though I found myself nodding and smiling a few times in recognition of a feeling or a moment. Except for one moment he said at the end that when his sister died (from alcoholism) he was more concerned with all the alcohol she had in her fridge than her death. I remember when my Mom was in the hospital that's what I did when I got back to her place, I drank the liquor despite the fact that it was the alcohol that put her in the hospital. I was suffering from NOT ME syndrome.

As I was leaving a woman walked out with me. We were just headed to our cars, said a few small talk things and then she said that she remembered when this particular meeting used to be packed (there were only a dozen or so people there) so I told her that, well it was my first meeting so I wouldn't know. She asked if it was my very first and I said yes and she welcomed me. She asked me if I had a list of meetings and where I was from. It turns out we live in the same town and even wierder we are both Kathys (although she could be a Cathy, a huge distinction:). Anyway she suggested a meeting this morning which happens to be within walking distance of my house. I didn't go this Sunday because I've got to get out the door this morning by 12 and I've got to make peas and get ready for a party and I wanted to post this. There's a meeting tonight elsewhere that I will go to. She also told me about a meeting for Monday that is not posted on the schedules so that was a good tip and I will go that. I got in my car to go home and got overwhelmed by tears. I think they were tears of relief, but also of fear, gratitude, and release all rolled together. I just let them flow.

So here's to 14 days. I'm going to a cookout to celebrate a friends 50th. I am totally prepared to leave if the urge to drink gets to me as this would normally be a drinking event for me. I'll make up my excuses while I make my peas.

Thanks to all of you who have read my posts and offered me your thoughts. It has truly helped me so far.

xo