Day 5

Wow! Woke up at 5 am today. That's my old schedule before the heavy drinking started, (when did I get totally out of hand? and why? I'll have to ponder that at a later time.) I liked getting up an hour ahead of everyone to get a head start on the day and accomplish a few things before going to work. It felt good to do it again. It's been awhile.

But here it is Friday and the weekend is looming. I've got a lot to keep me busy but thoughts of relaxing with the vino (not to mention dinners out on restaurant decks with vodka martinis, margeritas and the summer favorite Bombay Safire & Tonic aka the Devil's Juice) keeps creeping in. I keep pushing it out though. It's not quite white knuckle. We'll see what happens when we go kayaking. We are bringing food and stuff as we will be at the lake around dinnertime. Normally, I'd add cocktails to that list. Yes, a bottle in the kayak sipping in the middle of the lake. Boy, that sounds real smart doesn't it. Not sure where my friend is on that issue. I hope she doesn't bring any alcohol. But if she does, she will be suprised when I don't have something. I may email her ahead of time to coordinate food but I don't want to make alcohol an issue at this point. We'll see what happens.

The craving wasn't so bad last night and it hasn't hit me so much this afternoon. Maybe my worries about needing rehab were for naught. That's a good thing. Please God, don't let me slip. I am a smart girl and can rationalize myself into anything, so please don't let me fall for it. Keep the Big Bastard out of my head. Thanks.