Today is Day 8.
What I have problems with the AA program is the powerlessness and I think this is why I have never been able to follow through with AA. I don't have a problem with surrender, I think I've done that. I don't have a problem admitting that life has become unmanageable, I have in the sense that I could not manage my drinking. I don't even have a problem with God, I believe. But I want to be empowered and I feel powerful for getting past 8 days. By giving us freedom of choice I believe that God wants us to be empowered. Smart recovery seems to give me that power. AA definately has given me tools that I intend to use but I just don't feel powerless and that is the roadblock.
1. The changes I want to make are to stop drinking and live a healthier lifestyle.
2. The most important resons why I want to make these changes are my health, self respect and the respect of my children.
3. The steps I plan to take in changing are to not drink, follow the program at smart recovery online, journal through my blog, change my routines, kayak, organize my life and surroundings and continue seeking inspiration through others' journies.
4. The ways people can help me are: but I think it is mostly up to me.
Person Possible Ways
Husband Help to eliminate stress, pick up some of the slack
Friends Acceptance
Children Encouragement
5. I will know that my plan is working if I don't drink and don't have the desire to drink.
6. Some things that could interfere with my plans are temptations, stress, boredom, frustration and anger.
7. On a scale of 1-10, it is a 10-most important that I make this change.
8. On a scale of 1-10, my confidence that I can make this change is about a 6.
Guess I need to boost that confidence.
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6 comments:
I don't think powerlessness is an easy thing to understand for anyone. I do a LOT of written work in step one with Sponsees on powerlessness. untill they do all that, they don't really grasp what it is at all. So i think its perfectly normal to struggle to 'get' it. For me NOTHING can be understood in the abstract. I need CONCRETE SPECIFIC examples for EVERYTHING. otherwise its just some strange 'idea' that I can't quite quantify.
"5. I will know that my plan is working if I don't drink and don't have the desire to drink."
Well yeah. thats the acid test of whether you are n the right track or not. good thinking.
I had a look at the smart recovery website and noticed that it describes itself as non profit. did you know that you can get yearly turnover, profit reports and all sorts of company information for something like 2 dollars from institutions such as this one?
http://www.companieshouse.gov.uk/
I would be interested to know the yearly figures for a company that advertises itself as being non profit. But that's just me.
I've known some very successful business people, and one of them used to always describe charities, as 'businesses that don't pay tax'. A fairly unusual perspective I know. But the financial realities of some so called charities and non profit status companies is always quite interesting. Besides there may not be a legal definition for 'non profit'. For instance. I could own a massive corporation, but if every year I reinvest profit into the company or raise the salaries of the directors, (or other running costs), would my company be described as 'non profit?' see. I'm not an accountant for businesses so I'm not familiar with what these terms actually mean. I have a feeling the term non profit does not enforce as many financial regulations on a company as the status of charity might for instance. Like I say I haven't done the research, but I DO know how the status of 'charity' can be misused to bypass standard business law in certain areas.
Basically I am incapable of taking ANYTHING on face value. That's all. Its an old habit!
Cool. found the legal definition. The internet is SO great!
"Nonprofit corporations, despite the name, can make a profit"
From
http://www.nolo.com/definition.cfm/term/BAEAC86A-2B5A-4B59-95070F88FB82326E
Saw you post at Red Headed Gal's place. Thought I'd say hello.
Hello!
regards
Kenny
London
Powerless took awhile to sink in. For me now, it means that if I take one drink, all bets are off... anything could happen... may stop and go home, however i will at somepoint shortly after take a 2nd and a 3rd which will end (for me with) incontinence!! and other grave unmanagebility examples. And then soon after I will forget all that acute shame, regret and do it all over again... strongly believeing it wouldnt happen this time or not even giving that experience any thought...insane. I have no control of what happens next after I take that drink. I often used to kid myself that I was in control of when I took that 2nd drink... nowadays the question I ask myself is "could I guarantee stopping at one?" the answer I have after seeing the evidence...I never could. P24 BB..."at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink. The almost certain consequences that follo..."
AND "We are sure God wants us to be happy, joyous, and free". P133 BB "us" means YOU aswell. Its true
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