I Miss my Father

Today is Day 7. I miss my Dad. He died in 1998 and was not even 59. Non-Hodgins Lymphoma. It took him nine months after his diagnosis and just hit us like a ton of bricks. He was brilliant and strong. Maybe too smart for his own good but he cared about his family and I loved him. When he died life for my Mom just stopped. At first she completely renovated the house. Then she took a few trips, but alone. Not good. She refused to spend too much time with each of her children's families. Didn't want to be a burden. And what ended up happening was that she got lonlier and lonlier, more and more depressed and ended up drinking herself almost to death. She had refused to "do" the holidays that year (we all live in different states). Finally after getting a busy signal repeatedly I drove the three hours to her place (took me 2) and found her in an alcoholic stuper. Without further detail, she also apparantly was not eating which resulted in a thiamine deficiency. This all ended with her in the ICU for over a month with a final diagnosis of Wernicke's Korsakoff Syndrome. It took until this year for her to fully recover and when I say fully I just mean that she is engaged in life and happy. She is left with about 5 minute short term memory which means she must live with assistance for the rest of her life.

You would think with what we went through the past 5 years would have been enough of a lesson and but it just led to me progressively drinking more and more. Almost a compulsion. bit I did not drink today!

Nor in the last seven days. Had a wonderful weekend taking the kayak out on its maiden voyage. So I am feeling joy.