Serenity

This has been an emotionally draining week. At yesterday morning's meeting, I just got overwhelmed and it wasn't by pain or exhaustion. I'm not sure what it was. They say keep it simple but it feels so BIG. I feel raw. It's a good feeling but I've got to release it and so I gave them the big ugly cry as Oprah says. Was hoping that time would run out before they got to me but of course it didn't so I had to share what I was feeling. And they got it.

Then I went to work and Thank God, the boss was taking a rare day off. It was one of those beautiful summer days, so I left early (who needs money anyway), and took my kayak to the lake. I needed to take some time and just stop. I paddled on out to the middle and upriver away from the madding crowd. I actually called my sponser from there and joked that maybe I was isolating but she assured me that I was just taking care of myself which was my intent. And then I just floated. It was wonderful. It gave me the opportunity to just relfect on this last month and where I've been and where I'm going. I talked and prayed to God and I brought my friend Anne Lamott with me (in the form of her latest book, Plan B Further Thoughts on Faith). I was able to gain some real peace and serenity. I felt God's reassurance through the gentle swaying of the trees. And I thought, this is MY church.

I know there will be big changes ahead for me as I go through this program some will be good and some will be bad but I will be able to live with them because I know I am being guided. When I left the women's meeting tonight guess what was there. A double rainbow. And it followed me all the way home. One woman said something that struck me. She said that she knew that God held her in His Hands because He carried her safely through her drinking days. That made sense to me. That's Grace.