Family Reunions

Went to my husband's family reunion yesterday. It was a nice time. On the beach. This has always been a non drinking event. Or should I say, it was always supposed to be a non drinking event. That was the rule. Like my family, there are many alcoholics in this family. And before my time apparently alcohol had caused many of these reunions to end in violence. So.. no alcohol. But of course those of us who couldn't imagine such an event without alcohol always managed to smuggle some in and manage to drink our way through it. If we didn't or couldn't bring our own we knew someone would. One cousin used to set up his truck outside the facility like an open bar. Of course the teetotalers knew this was going on and disapproved but in our view they just didn't know how to have a good time and they had no idea that our red solo cup was filled with wine or beer or a gin & tonic. (yeah, right)

These are people that we only see once a year and up to this year, I would spend most of it, clandestinely drinking alcohol. Finding it, hiding it, going back for more. The more it wasn't allowed the more I drank. My own and everyone else's. By the end of the day I was shitfaced but I was always a happy drunk so I'd invite everyone back to our place to drink some more and swim in the hotel pool. My husband would get pissed. Only the drinkers would really come because it was completely inappropriate to have a party at the pool. Especially when it was closed but we did anyway. He'd hang out because it was his family but he would be pissed. Meanwhile our kids would be swimming or we'd put them to bed. Hotel managers would eventually break the think up.

This year though it was nice. I didn't drink. Actually, not sure whether anyone did but I'm sure it was there. Gee, in previous years it seemed like we all were. I spent my time actually talking to people about their lives and mine. Not ending conversations so I could sneak off to fill my cup. Not saying inappropriate things that would come back to haunt me. Actually, remembering conversations. It was relaxing. Enjoyable. Pleasant. My family had a nice time. One of the young cousins, my daughter's age has had issues with drugs and alcohol and was discussing her participation in AA. I was happy and sad to hear it. Happy that she is getting help and sad that she had to. Grateful too that my daughter has thus far not jumped off that cliff. I am feeling a guilty though because I did not share with her my last few weeks as a member of AA. Wondering if I should have. I didn't feel there yet. I am in the rooms but not sure I am outside of the rooms. I can with my husband but not sure I'm ready to announce to the world. What does that mean?