Babysitting

At tonight's meeting the speaker shared how she had her first drink when babysitting. She found some creme de menthe and drank until she got drunk. That was not my first drink. Mine was when I was hanging out with the older boys across the street. I must of been about 14 or maybe 15 and they were drinking whiskey. I don't know how much I drank but I got really drunk. They walked me around the block about 100 times before they let me go home. I guess that was the very beginning. But what hit me tonight was she reminded me of when I babysat for my father's collegue. They entrusted me with their baby. It must have been around the same time as this first drunk. At some point while I babysat, not the very first time but maybe the second, I found their sloe gin. Yuck. But I drank it. I smoked their cigarettes too. Benson & Hedges as I recall. I know I was driven home drunk more than once. My babysitting career did not last long. I wonder why??? Who was I fooling? I had forgotten all about this. Blocked it I think. I did a lot of shit when I was in my teens but I always remembered it as not really hurting anyone but myself (well, my family). I was "experimenting". What an idiot. Thank God nothing happened to that baby.

Anyway, today was a tough one for meetings. I felt really out of place. Not sure why. The morning meeting was at a sober house and we sat outside because they wanted to smoke. I was okay with that but geesh the smoking was getting to me. But the sharing was really important for me to hear. Tonights meeting was a difficult one for many as the funeral for a beloved member was held today. I had thought I might go because this man was important to so many who are becoming important to me. I didn't but it is just as well because I probably would have felt even more uncomfortable.

But I am not drinking. I am working with a woman from the AABC on my steps until I get a real sponser which I may be getting closer to finding. She's terrific. I'm reading the Big Book. Halfway through How it Works. Reading Martha's (Bouncing off the Bottom) book and loving it. A good companion read as I go through the steps. So in that sense it was a good day.

Peace