Not sure where to go after my last post. I know this is one of the things that has cropped up from working my fourth step though. I feel like I need a month long retreat to deal with this stuff.
I had a great meeting with my sponser last night. After three months I think I am finally understanding what this relationship is all about. She really helped me work out alot of stuff I've been dealing with. I talked to her about having a back up sponser and she had no problems with that. In fact, she validated the feelings I had about needing more help with the steps. She acknowledged that is not her strength. What's really crazy is that she is going to need a new sponser and maybe sooner rather than later. Guess who she was thinking about asking? Same woman I did. This woman is a great speaker and really exudes the program. Maybe the whole purpose of my sponser struggle was to put these 2 together.
Anyway, I am grateful
For my sponser who is a great sober mentor
For my 3 month chip that I was able to give to my son.
For my son, who thought it was "cool"
For Ben & Jerry's pistachio ice cream, my new vice
For the knowledge that I have no ability or right to understand God's Will.
For the phone call from my daughter who is overflowing with joy at her new life.
peace.
8 comments:
I hope you dont mind my asking. Are you Russian Orthodox? I ask...because of your journal tag. I remember that from my days as a practicing orthodox christian.
Anyway, I really like your journal.
Kindly,
Kathrin
p.s. I tagged you on my blog. Hope that was ok!?
For about 2 months after I did my first 4th step...my skin hurt, literally. I think I just felt "raw". That's when I first learned to stay in the day. You are doing well!!!
I got the very BEST sponsor I could get my hands on. I had to ask ? THREE separate times before she capitulated! When faced with two choices, choose the one that benefits your sobriety most. the good is the enemy of the best, as they say.
Good sponsors are very much in demand, so get your request in early just in case.
not sure what you mean by "She acknowledged that is not her strength."
Meaning she has not completed the steps herself? That she has not taken other Sponsees through the steps yet? No idea.
See what the other one says. she may be booked up, or busy. you never know. I do not co-sponsor women. One set of instructions is enough! Two is just plain confusing!
But I check in with Sponsees, Sponsees from time to time, and I also talk to Sponsees if they are not sure about what to do with one of THEIR Sponsees. But most of the time they seem to be doing a very good job without any help from me at all. So thats as close as I get to co-sponsoring, as such. Nature just takes its course. They learn through trial and error, just like I did. Its not easy!
Ask your HP to guide you to the VERY BEST sponsor for YOU, and then get on and do the footwork. Getting numbers, phoning them to see how you get on. Asking them would they have time to take on another Sponsee, and what have you.
You paddle god steers.
Because you've been very vague about why exactly the old sponsor is not working, I can offer no useful feedback, but the general rule, is grab the BEST one you can find. Go for Gold as they say. why not?
How shall I find a Sponsor? Who shall I ask?
http://anon-recovery-archive.blogspot.com/2006/10/how-shall-i-find-sponsor-who-shall-i.html
Sticking with the Winners
http://anon-recovery-archive.blogspot.com/2006/11/sticking-with-winners.html
Innocent Hope, and 'You CANNOT transmit something you haven’t got' -Doesn't say, 'except for Martha, or Johnny'
http://anon-recovery-archive.blogspot.com/2006/10/innocent-hope-and-you-cannot-transmit.html
You need to be able to 'see' who is 'comfortable in their own skin'. Who is 'wearing life like a loose garment''. Who is really ! enjoying their sobriety.
Learning how to recognize basic defects of character in others is an invaluable tool for identifying who HAS got 'what you want', so these posts are useful for that.
Recognizing (Self Centered) Fear in its unflattering forms! It's not pretty!
http://anon-recovery-archive.blogspot.com/2006/10/recognizing-self-centered-fear-in-its.html
Recognizing Self Pity in its unflattering forms! It's not pretty!
http://anon-recovery-archive.blogspot.com/2006/10/recognizing-self-pity-in-its.html
What does largely SUPRESSED Anger look like in women? 'Tightness'
http://anon-recovery-archive.blogspot.com/2007/02/what-does-supressed-anger-look-like-in.html
Quality not Quantity
http://anon-recovery-archive.blogspot.com/2007/07/quality-not-quantity.html
Quality not Quantity: TV show called Faking it: FURTHER proof that length of Sobriety ALONE counts for VERY little
http://anon-recovery-archive.blogspot.com/2007/07/quality-not-quantity-ty-show-called.html
Supposed 'Authorities' in AA: Don't be INTIMIDATED by them. Make your OWN mind up.
http://anon-recovery-archive.blogspot.com/2007/07/supposed-authorities-in-aa-dont-be.html
Hahaha too many!
Right welll, I'd better be off. Mind how you go there young Kathrym! Keep on keepin on as they say..
Serbian....interesting. My dad is Serbian American, but most of the churches in Germany are Greek or Russian. (military child) I was raised Lutheran, but we would go to the local Russian church for high holy days.
I was raised Lutheran - my mom's faith...which was very scary.
I think some of what is going on at Nova is because of its Roman Catholic tradition. Nove is rather interesting - it was the first Augustinian institution here in the US and is now the only place where Augustinian monnks go to retire (and die). We have a very large and active monastery on campus.
K.
one sponsor to take me through the steps, she pointed me in the direction of other women to "blah all over" and ask questions to and check out stuff with when I couldnt or wouldnt talk to my sponsor, inotherowrds USE THE FELLOWSHIP. My current sponsor also encouraged the same.
Our sponsor is not the higher power. No one person knows everything, and we may only have one common "problem". The steps are the way to finding a Power Greater than ourselves. So if our sponsor is to show us how, they need to have done the steps and got this Power.
AND THEY ARE contining living this programme with step10, continued inventory ie, a humbled admission they havent cracked it or know it all and are willing to take a good look at themselves, step 11, they dont know it all, need help still and are willing to grow and improve with HP/God/faith of their own understanding, step 12 helping other and practicing these principles in ALL their affairs
Is she doing it, is she willing to show you how to do this too?
its not always to spot who is and who isnt at the beginning. Lots of people talk the talk, but dont walk the walk.
A sponsor who is Just being sober and turning up at meetings and talking to newcomers, taking on sponsees in meetings and saying how great AA is, and on leaving the meeting, the clod decsends and life lacks lustre, hope or direction, and are not seeking any change, is not enough (in my opinion) (not that you said this is how it is)
Sobriety is not enough.
Also, my sponsor is not my friend... much as sometimes it would be nice. The truth is My friends pre AA no matter how close, couldnt get me sober. In AA very often I couldnt be honest with my AA buddys, Speaking to my sponsor or one of my AA buddys sponsor is key to my honesty.
My AA buddys sponsors are people who I "eyeballed" from my early days as "Best sobriety" there arent many, a handful, the same ones really still apply from early days.
BB suggests seeking counsel at times, these are the women (sponsor included) who I would seek counsel with for how to apply steps etc if I need to
A sponsor is a unique relationship, but a key one in recovery.
A handful of other AA women post step 9 and practicing steps 10,11, 12 are key too.
AND AA leaflet Q&A on sponsorship in my blog side bar is a good reminder of what a sponsor is/isnt and pitfalls sponsee's often fall into whilst looking or being sponsored.
Just checking in on ya girlie. :)
ooooh! well done on your 3 months!!!! it's nice to gather up the days/months isn't it!
"Not sure where to go after my last post." Just keep on keepin' on. I know you said earlier that A.A. is not a cure-all, but take a look at the top of page 100 in the Big Book. Continue working through the steps, listening to your sponsor, going to meetings and, most importantly, not drinking and those things will come to pass for you too.
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