Louie, who is an oldtimer in my area, says this alot. I think I get where he is coming from. The solution for not drinking is found in AA. But the solution for my marriage is probably not there. I am no longer hiding in an alcoholic haze. I am going to have to face issues that I have suppressed for a long time. My husband is going to have to face issues that I have ignored for a long time. We are "having words" a lot lately. I am crying. He is angry. I am scared. He is angry. I am stressed. He is angry. We usually end okay. AA has helped me there. I am expressing myself better. I am trying to share with him the idea of serentity, living in the day and that helps sometimes. But our relationship is requiring a lot of work that I just don't have in me right now. It's all I can do to work on myself.
We moved my daughter into college this week, hence my absence from blogdom. I am sad and happy at the same time. Her last words to us "Have a Nice Life". I hope that we can and I am grateful that I can pray for hers.
I am grateful:
For my daughter who is launched.
For my son for allowing some rare one on one time today to shop.
That today is a holiday and I can catch up.
That I am sober.
For my morning group.
For the book "1000 Splendid Suns" which I will finish today.
That I finally understand why I need to do a gratitude list every day.
5 comments:
That was some good stuff today sweetie! It's hard to wake up for alcohol. But you are doing the footwork!!
Keep on, keeping on. This tio shall pass. Keep showing up, doing the next right thing. using the phone. Pray for your husband "Pray that he gets everything you could wish for" do it everyday, especially whilst resentful at the moment.
Keep on with the gratitude lists, its evidence that the whole day isnt a complete bummer!
i just posted this comment on 'bouncing off the bottom'..."when you change one aspect of your life, all others are automatically impacted, and you have to change them along with that first change you made otherwise you'll become unstuck...
i thought all i had to do was stop drinking. whoa was i in for a surprise!"
...and i think it ties in with what you are saying. i'm close to 10 months down the line, and i still need to address a whole bunch of issues with hubby. what you're saying there is pretty much what is happening here too. surprise surprise
but i'm sure we'll get there. after all if you want something bad enough you will get it!!!
DOES ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS FOCUS ON JESUS CHRIST?
AGENTS FOR SATAN:
A DOZEN STEPS
A REASON A SEASON A LIFETIME
AAWAKENINGS
ALCOHOLIC BRAIN
ANONYMOUS ALCOHOLIC
ATTITUDE OF GRATITUDE
BIG SKY MAACK
BLUE'S THOUGHTS
COFFEE BITCH
DRAGON SPEAK
FLOWERDAVES PAGES
FROM THE FIRST CHAKRA (MSB)
HIGHER POWERED
I'M JUST F.I.N.E.
INMATEZ WIFE
IT'S A GIRL THING
LUSH FOR LIFE
MY JOURNEY TO RECOVERY
MY LIFE IN TAMPA
NO COMMENT
OUTRIGHT MENTAL DEFECTIVE
POSTCARDS FROM CUPCAKE MONKEY
RAANCH
RECOVERY ROAD
RIDIN' ON THE WAGON
SCOUT'S NEWCOMER DAZE
SIMPLY ANNA
SOBER CHICK
SOBER MOM
SOBER NUGGETS
SOBERING THOUGHTS
SOBERINSANITY
STAY AT HOME MOTHERDOM
STAYING STRAIGHT EDGE
THIS UNMANAGEABLE LIFE
THY WILL, NOT MINE
TODAAY
TWELVEBEADS
TWO DOGS BLOGGING
YOU AND ME ARE FLOATING...
Peace Be With You
Micky
I hear you, Kathy. Although my husband and I are not having words. Actually, I try to talk to him, and he looks at me like: "what do you mean something is wrong?" There really isn't anger for us. I don't even know what there is. But at the end of the day, AA may not be a panacea for everything, but it does help me deal with getting through knowing this is not the worst thing in the world. That drinking this away is far, far worse. I don't have to have the answer. Each day is just a day. And as you said, you can work on yourself. I'm doing that to. I believe that if I do the work on me, the answers will become more clear. I know that even though I keep having more questions, in some ways, I feel less anxious.
Anyway, thanks for your comments on my blog. I am glad to know I am not alone in waking up sober and wondering whose marriage I was in.
Lots of love to you,
Judith
p.s. your children are absolutely beautiful!
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