I read in a book last night that 2 common traits among alcoholics are perfectionism and idealism and I suffer from both. My perfectionism paralyzes me and my idealism disappoints. I have handled both of these defects by drinking. Now I need to handle them differently. I am not sure I can eliminate them completely and maybe they are not always defects. Sometimes idealism can be refreshing. And perfectionism can be rewarding. BUT they are also both extremely dangerous to me. I am learning that as alcoholism is progressive so is recovery. I cannot expect the miracle in a day. That would be idealistic. There is no necessarily right way to do it, that would be perfectionism. I just have to keep it simple, and let go. Let God.
Like right now, as I write this I received a phone call from a woman I have been thinking about asking to sponser me but havent' called. I have a sponser. And I like her. But this woman has 40 years of sobriety and I think may work more directly with me on the steps and the Big Book. She may be able to give me more time. I don't know, it just feels like I need more of an oldtimer approach. Can you have 2 sponsers? I know what I need to do and I will. I need to call both of them. Whoa!
I am grateful:
That it is Friday.
That I am sober.
That I am serious.
That my boss stepped out so I could write this.
That I don't freak out if I don't finish my list.
That I didn't freak out when blogger lost my whole damn post and I had to start over.
5 comments:
Since you asked... are you dissatisfied with your current sponsor? Great lengths of time in sobriety doesn't necessarily mean someone is going to be a good sponsor. I think the best sponsors have a couple years - not decades. Just my opinion, and also my sponsor's.
I agree with MC on this darlin.
Also, I get paralyzed when I strive for perfection too.
from my own experience and what I have observed in others, Most sponsors appear to become different and unsuitable, even appear turn into the antichrist, whilst we are doing step4.
For me, it was much easier to take her inventory and find fault with her methods and life than to sit with myslef and take my own inventory, which if what step4 is about. You.
Step4 is about sitting down and taking a good look and writing it down. A day at a time.
I may have missed something... But... I am not clear what it is your current sponsor has done or not done to motivate this change of Sponsor need in you?
Yeh an i agree, its quality of, not quantity. Length of sobriety doesnt mean they are any more able to pass on the AA programme of recovery than someone newer.
All she is doing is taking you through the steps. Re look at what it is she had that prompted you to pick er in the first place. What was it she had that you wanted ?
Take care & Keep it simple
I know what you mean about perfectionism and idealism. One of the hardest things I have been learning to do in sobriety is to stop kicking myself around so much. Being kind to myself is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. It's always been much easier for me to give latitude to other people that I would never give to myself. It wasn't that I thought I was better than other people: I thought I just didn't deserve any breaks.
As far as the sponsor situation, I don't really have any advice. I have had my current sponsor for over a year now and we have not formally done anything with the steps. I have so much work to do on learning to trust that feeling my way through steps 1 through 3 is about all I can handle, plus getting my head around the whole idea of fellowship and not doing everything by myself. In my opinion, this is what I need now for me. And I think at some point I will need to do a formal step 4 and 5 (which I have done informally in many ways), but I will do these when more of my waryiness has faded.
I think whatever works to help you stay on the road of recovery is what you need to do. Your heart and HP will help tell you.
johno hit the nail on the head, I think.
Beware of having more than one sponsor: you'll sometimes get different answers and then you get to choose the one you like best, which can be a very dangerous thing for an alcoholic.
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