Just Like Being In Love

Well, maybe not quite like it. I'm getting close to my 21st wedding anniversay. I love my husband and I love being married. I am happy with the life we have built. It is not always a bed of roses and we have a lot of "stuff" but I wouldn't have it any other way. At least for today. That said, what I have been missing through the years is that falling in love feeling. When everything is new and wonderful and there is just nothing wrong with the world. I haven't felt that way since I started dating him (although I looked for it certainly).

But it occurred to me as I drove to work from my morning meeting today that I have that feeling today. I can't stop smiling and feeling good. I like everybody. Singing along to the music on the radio. It's disgusting really:) Pollyannaish but its how I am feeling. I think it is just that I am in love with this new sober life I am living. Last night as I got ready for bed I looked in the mirror and for the first time I liked what I saw. I wasn't disgusted. I didn't hate myself. (My ass did look big in my pajamas though, yikes!:)

And this feeling arms me. I am going camping this weekend with my girlfriends. It will be some much needed down time. I was worried for awhile how the alcohol aspect of the weekend would affect me but I'm not anymore. I will partake of the kayaking, the swimming, the cooking, the eating, the reading, the companionship, the laughter, the sun, hopefully, and I will not partake in any artificial attempt at fun. There will be drinks there but I have no desire. Three months ago I thought it would be okay to smoke some pot instead but now I truly feel as though I'd be "cheating" on my new life. So I now feel good about going. I'm taking my own car so I can leave if I need to. And I am looking forward to sharing my sobriety with my friends. If that should change any of these relationships then that will be for the best. I will pray that it doesn't though.

Anyway its cool to feel good.

I am grateful:

For my morning What's Good About Today Group.
For Richie who helps me to appreciate the small and simple things in life in his appreciation of freedom and sobriety after 44 months of incarceration.
For Kevin who always adds humor to his shares and has left me with an image of he and Doug in tutus.
For Steve, who helps me understand what embracing the program really means.
For Sonia who allows me to help another alocholic
For Ruth who makes me feel nurtured.
For Charles who reminds me what the view from the bushes looks like.
For Chickie who blesses me with her radiant smile.
For Jack who gives me an intelligent, level view of sobriety.
For Richard who in his pain and hard edges allows me to see his vulnerability.
For the Journey.