Serenity

I ran into my friend who just lost her husband last week. I've seen her twice in this last week and I hadn't seen them in a few years. She brought her girls to the soccer game on Monday and I ran into her again at Marshall's. She didn't see me and my old alcoholic self would have avoided the situation, put my head down and pushed my cart the other way. Too uncomfortable. But yesterday I was able to talk to her. I told her she was amazing. That I would probably be hiding in my house. She said she was just putting one foot in front of the other. Getting on for her kids. She knows that she has a lifetime to deal with her loss so for now she is just trying to get on with the day to day details of life even though her husband cannot share. We looked at each other and we both took a deep breath and she said "Serenity". She did not need to say more. I did not need to say more. But we did. She is redoing her daughters room. My daughter is in college. myspace, facebook, computers. The usual mother small talk we have in stores and on the sidelines of sports fields. A few months ago I would have just cried and that is exactly what she did not need. I am so grateful that I was able to be present for my friend in the rug aisle of Marshall's. That I could understand where she needed to be and what serenity truly is. I am so grateful that she is at peace.

Today my boss was going on and on about whether or not we should create binders or indexes for a client. (We already have indexes which of course I reminded him.) He was going back and forth rationalizing the case for each. Working himself into a regular frenzy. He is the king of folders. Lawyers tend to be that way and he is a super intense lawyer who loves to complicate matters. I was just shaking my head to everything he said and I guess it was the look on my face. He turned to me after a time and asked sheepishly: "Am I overanaylizing this?" And I said, "Oh Yeah! This was a huge acknowledgement for him. I could not stop smiling.

Without this program, I never would be in this place right now. I would have no understanding. I get to be present now for my life and for others. And I am able to convey what I am learning and feeling sometimes without a word. This is a gift, my friends. One for which I am truly grateful and one that I pray I can hold onto.