My first baby is gone. Moved her into college last weekend. I feel as though something is missing. Like my heart. But it is very hard to be sad when she is soooooo happy. And she has called. I honestly did not expect that. I had resolved to leave it to her to make contact and she did. See what happens when you let go:) I have prayed for her safety and good sense. And she told me she made a choice to stay home Monday night instead of going to one of those smoking bars. See what happens when you let go:) (Of course she was losing her voice from the previous 3 nights of fun.) But she seems to be making friends, she likes her classes, she likes her job. She likes everything. I am lucky because she is not far. I could hop in the car and see her in an hour. I won't but I can.
And my son. He is 17 today. He's 6'2". He is sooooo handsome. And while you've got to work for a smile, when he gives it to you it feels worth it. Once a year I get some one on one time with him. We go shopping. For clothes. Its so funny shopping with him. I usually get 1 out of 3. No way, you wish, and then.... okay, I could wear that. I love that. And I am scared. We are letting him get his motorcycle permit for his birthday. That's what he wanted. He's also getting a motorcyle safety class as well. And conditions. Chances are he'll rarely ride and when he does it will be with his father. I have prayed on it and prayed on it. And he'll do it anyway next year so I might as well get it over with. Talk about letting go.
I could not experienced all of this without being sober. I could not have expressed these feelings. They would have been way down there. Yeah, I love my children, drunk or sober. But sober, I can experience that love. Drunk, it just passes me by. It's taken for granted. I am so grateful to be sober today.
I am grateful:
For finally hanging out "after the meeting" with my sponser and a few other women.
That I was capable of making cinnamon swirl bread this morning for my son's birthday.
That my husband and I had dinner Saturday in the same restaraunt where we celebrated our daughter's conception. (Well, when we found out about her conception, don't be getting crazy thoughts now!)
That by just acknowledging that we are not on the same page puts us on the same page.
For coffee chocolate almond swirl ice cream.
For a clear head.
ps: Red headed gal, Irish Friend and Johno... consider yourself tagged:)
5 comments:
Tagged... God please remove my fear and direction to what you would have me be!
just random stuff ?
fear away, randomness done!!
Glad to hear your girl suprised you. My bro just eamiled that he is "getting help and it helped and he wants more" for a problem we all have know he has for years.
Its a good feeling when eople begin to take responsibility.
Hold on though, progress it is, it will take a while to get consistent LOL
i'm desperately ignoring the possibility of the bean ever leaving home. but thankfully i still have 7 years to go... so learn and write it down so when my time comes i can get tips, please, hee hee hee.
and since he's my only one, i (only half-jokingly) say he should marry an orphan so we won't loose him when he does marry...
letting go, i'll get there too. good luck!
oh yeah, hubby is also into bikes and the bean's already asked when he can get a licence, bike etc. another day i dread...
WOW lots of changes in your life. But good ones. Great post today.
What a beautiful photo that is on your site, the one with the sunset and clouds with "came to believe" below it.
Luke is a teenager next, hes 13 in January and how much I have enjoyed every part of his younger years, there is nothing quite like having a kid is there.
I dont live with him but I have seen him every weekend since he was very young when I split with his mum due to my excessive drinking.
He has seen me get sober and change, I stopped drinking when he was 9 1/2 after a holiday from hell.
Ill miss him when he gets older and stops visiting me
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