This was shared in my online group and just in time for me. We had an issue in our morning group, someone's annonynmity was violated based upon what she had shared in a meeting. It was used against her out in the "real" world. I see this all the time and have been guilty of it myself..sharing just a little too much both in a meeting and outside. I went to school for social work and my profession is in the legal field. We are bound by the requirements of confidentiality. But the only requirement for membership in AA is a desire to stop drinking. "Whom you see here, what you hear here, let it stay here" is a fine principle but it is not a requirement and there are a lot of sick people out there with no boundries, no values, no sense. Principles and traditions are not requirements. So in the words of the Sargent back in Hill Street Blues days..."Let's be careful out there....
I attend meetings to stay sober and to carry the message—not the mess—to other alcoholics. An old Chinese proverb says, "Fellowship for the sake of friendship is chaos." I do not go to AA meetings to make friends… When this does happen, I count my blessings. But I go to meetings to remember what it was like, what happened and what it is like now. The chaos begins, when I/we forget "principles before personalities," or when I am letting my ego talk/share (Easing God Out). I/we can be getting ourselves, or others, caught up in the drama trauma, and not recovery. The A.A. prog ram has taught me that when I am in a meeting my sharing needs also to benefit the group. Is what I am conveying necessary for the "unity" of the group? Am I sharing my experience, strength and hope? We are to share in a general way—not every detail concerning the drama. For example: I am having a problem with a situation in my life that is causing me (name the feeling), and I am not reacting the way I use to (drinking). Too often, I hear, "Yesterday my boss got me so mad. He/she said blah, blah, blah. And I said blah, blah, blah back. Then, blah blah blah. I left there and drove home in my blah blah blah car. I am so blah, blah blah, and blah blah. 5 minutes or more later… blah, blah blah."
What is the point? If you cannot say what you need to say in 3-5 minutes get together with your sponsor or someone else before or after the meeting and discuss all the details—until you can get to the "underlying cause" of your problem. Another tool in recovery is writing about it until you can "uncover, discover and discard." If you think "the group" will get a lesson or kick out of your longer version of the story…sign up for the speakers list! We need speakers to carry the message. Thank you for letting me share!
Concerned member of AA Mission Viejo, CA
Ps. AA is not group therapy…group therapy is not AA… And DUI classes are neither…they are group detention!
This was shared in my online group and just in time for me. We had an issue in our morning group, someone's annonynmity was violated based upon what she had shared in a meeting. It was used against her out in the "real" world. I see this all the time and have been guilty of it myself..sharing just a little too much both in a meeting and outside. I went to school for social work and my profession is in the legal field. We are bound by the requirements of confidentiality. But the only requirement for membership in AA is a desire to stop drinking. "Whom you see here, what you hear here, let it stay here" is a fine principle but it is not a requirement and there are a lot of sick people out there with no boundries, no values, no sense. Principles and traditions are not requirements. So in the words of the Sargent back in Hill Street Blues days..."Let's be careful out there....
6 comments:
Great post. I hear so many long-winded sharings that I lose track of what the message is. Those shares that are to the point without the details are the ones that mean the most to me and help me to get what I need to hear.
My favorite is the member who complains he's not doing well, admits he's not doing the work and is going to pull up his socks, then the following week he whines that he's not doing well, admits he's not doing the work and is going to pull up his socks and then the next week he complains that he's not doing well ...
During the long winded 'shares' I have a chance to practice Patience and Tolerance.
But I DO know a couple guys who are EXACTLY as Hank (Indistinct) describes
...chronic complainers...and will not do the work. But ya know, some times I find after some years of that, the person gets sober, and becomes a very useful contributing member of AA.
Patience and Tolerance......
good post. and the guidelines to sharing, very valid.
You encapsulated my very subconscious thought about why the shares in my regular meeting have been getting to me...sort of let down. Thanks for the clarity! J.
Great post, I am reminded sometimes that love and tolerance is our code when sometimes people share their mini-leads in a meeting and hope that as they keep coming back they learn, grow and stretch to a new life, but I did really like that letter that you shared...wow! It's succinct and great! Thank you!!!
G
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