Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Therapy Day

Tuesday is my busy day. I start with a meeting. Then work...then I get about an hour or 2 break...then therapy....then I meet with my sponser....then I go to a Step Meeting....then sometimes tea afterwards if I can still talk...It is alot of talking. Today, if it stops raining I'll need to fit my son's lacrosse game in there. I'm usually pretty drained depending on the day. Today I want to talk about doing my amends list with my sponser. It's in my head but I haven't written anything down yet. But its time. Now what to talk about with my therapist is another story. She's one of those, she sits there and waits for me. I guess I should talk about the stuff with my mother that came up this week...I have somewhat but I'm not sure I have to the extent I wrote about. She is a recovered alcholic as well so she gets it. And its wonderful to have her. I'm supposed to be writing letters but I haven't. I wrote one to my Dad and I'm supposed to have him write back to me. It's hanging over my head...so it probably means something that she's writing in her notes.....she says not to worry about it....just do it when I'm ready to hear what he has to say...The hard thing is I don't know whether to write as he was as I grew up or what he became as he lay dying. When he revealed more to me about himself in those last moments than he had in his whole life. Or do I write from the perspective of what he may have been thinking as the incidents I wrote to him about occurred. I guess the answers will come. Don't think I can wait until my house is in order though, I think this is part of what gets my house in order. My therapist says I should write from who I need to hear from. So...maybe I can do this in my time between work and therapy...we'll see. Its one of those things I am procrastinating on. Maybe its not quite procrastination....maybe its more like trepidation.

Well on with the day....have a good one!

3 comments:

Michael said...

Amends yes, I wrote another of my amends last year to a campsite I nearly destroyed...
I forgot to mention in my post about fridays meeting, not many there really so I did a really deep lecture in the start of the universe and the meaning of life, surprisingly my 5 spectators in the room enjoyed it.
I think my amends were the turning point for me, I have still a few people left on my list but I have no way of finding them now

Syd said...

When I wrote my amends to my father, it was about my not having compassion for the fact that he did the best that he could under the circumstances. It was about how much I loved him and missed him. And that I now understood him.

Michael said...

Hi Kathy,
Yes I felt it a bit, all that time psyching myself up to ask veras and she shares that in the group, I felt a sadness wash over me, I dont know earlier in the year she came on all strong chatting then suddenly goes cold on me and shares that but I only got myself to blame I should not have dithered about should I.
Yes JMD was a total mess, now hes back to the superconfident Mr Superman again who is far superior to everybody, thats JMD