Regrets, I've had a Few

I was sitting on my swing yesterday and thinking about how blessed I feel now, how my life is so rich and full of possiblities. I am content. My family relationships are improving, I have new relationships that are meaningful, and my life is satisfying. I am able to tolerate my worklife right now because I know there is a way out. We are moving in different directions and I can use that as my exit strategy. I could even stay on to help in the transition as long as I am able. Didn't even think of that before. Of course I do need another job to go to but that's a mere detail!! I have a vision. The promises in the Big Book really are coming true for me and I know I have much more work to do on the steps but that no longer scares me because I am already feeling the results and because I know my Higher Power is with me. Things are just good and that is because I'm sober and have God in my life.

But I couldn't help but feel a bit of sadness and regret of how much of life I have missed. It's so good now, and I missed all that time. Of what could have been... You know what I mean? I look at the young people in the rooms and think, how lucky they are that if they get "it" now in their life, how much more of life they can enjoy and be a part of. I know, I know, you oldtimers are ringing in my head. That is why we stay in the day, the moment. In my fifth step I did let go of this stuff. I'm not holding onto any resentments. But the could have beens come back every now and again. "I coulda been a contenda". I guess I just regret that for half my life I didn't even know what it was. But I have this sneaking suspsician (I absolutely cannot spell that word!) that when I start making my amends some of this will be resolved. Perhaps this is a gentle nudge in that direction.

But I will stay in the moment for today. Enjoy the fruits...I had a banana for breakfast.