Kept trying to post the youtube of Simon and Garfunkel singing Feeling Groovy with yesterday's post but it didn't work so please hum. I really hope this isn't the pink cloud I hear tell of.
Had an interesting morning today. After the meeting I really felt like going out to breakfast with my husband so we did and I got there ahead of him and a bunch of people were there from the meeting. I sat and chatted for a few minutes and then got a table for us. I knew that there was a good chance I'd need to introduce him and I knew he'd feel uncomfortable. He really wants nothing to do with this AA stuff. He's happy I'm sober and he wants me to stay that way so he tolerates it because I have told him that this is the only way that is working. He gets that much. But he makes little comments. When I got home from our nursing home commitment last night he asked me how the coven was. I know he's trying to be funny but underneath lies some fear, I'm sure of it.
Anyway, I told him there were people from the meeting and asked him if he wanted to meet them. He said no. But one of the men came over to say good bye. He is one of the first people I connected with at meetings and is a sweetheart. So I introduced them. I could tell my husband felt weird about it but he was sociable and polite. It felt a bit weird for me as well for my AA friends to see and meet my husband. Basically, my two worlds collided this morning. It made everything seem more real to me.
We talked afterwards. I suggested again that he come to a meeting just to see. Or check out Alanon. We'll see. I told him that we had things in our relationship to deal with and of course he said "what things". I said do you really want me to go there because I will. And of course he didn't want to and neither did I. We both are afraid of what will happen if we go any deeper than our day to day lives right now. I'm okay with keeping it like this for awhile. My sobriety is more important to me but I know for me to get well, it's going to come up.
But for today, I am grateful for the laundry, the bills, homemade chicken soup, helping him put up the fence (well, not really that but I did help:), dishes and all the day to day things that keep me in the day.
We talked afterwards. I suggested again that he come to a meeting just to see. Or check out Alanon. We'll see. I told him that we had things in our relationship to deal with and of course he said "what things". I said do you really want me to go there because I will. And of course he didn't want to and neither did I. We both are afraid of what will happen if we go any deeper than our day to day lives right now. I'm okay with keeping it like this for awhile. My sobriety is more important to me but I know for me to get well, it's going to come up.
But for today, I am grateful for the laundry, the bills, homemade chicken soup, helping him put up the fence (well, not really that but I did help:), dishes and all the day to day things that keep me in the day.
5 comments:
My husband is not in the program either. It does feel weird when the two worlds collide. I just wanted to validate that for you :)
AND I CAN NOT GET "FEELING GROOVY" OUT OF MY HEAD!!!!!!
Thanks for the post and I can SO RELATE. I can't help but think it would be a tad easier to be in AA as a single person BUT there HAS to be some sort of balance, right? I know I'd go to more meetings and call my AA peeps more if I weren't so worried about what the hubby thinks.
Anyhoo - sounds like you are doing really good and good for you! Keep coming back girlfriend :)
my hubby has the perception that my alcoholism is over, i've dealt with it, and that's that. i should stop talking about it, thinking about it, blogging about it, and just get on with life... i can't quite agree with him there!
Single's no easier -- there's a lot of weirdos in the rooms (and I hear some of them used to drink) ;-)
Seriously, though, there's no easy path in the beginning. There's denial and resentment outside -- we give a HUGE chunk of our lives over to the process of getting sober, so even if we are "more present" than we were before finding the rooms, the people closest to us don't get the immediate benefit they were hoping for, And if your significant other used to be your drinkin' bud (or, perhaps, thought of you as under control when under the influence), that raises its own little set of issues.
Still, if we don't have issues like those at home to contend with, then there are roving packs of predators awaiting the emotionally vulnerable inside what should be a safe harbour, some merely needy, but as many deliberately preying on the newcomer.
Try not to let it get to you. (Yeah, like that's gonna happen.) When it DOES get to you, though, keep in mind that he's as sick as you are, at least as far as the whole relationship thing goes. Don't be confrontational if you can help it at all. You have a whole world of friends who are willingly volunteering to take the brunt of your frustrations, so find one or two and vent steam as required.
We're usually advised to avoid major changes in the first year of sobriety for a reason. We don't want to throw away perfectly good people over a moment's frustration. But that advice is never absolute -- remember that your life depends on this sobriety stuff. If it ever comes down to an absolute choice between man and meetings, between fellow and fellowship, please, for God's sake, choose life.
Thanks Stan. That is exactly it and what I needed to hear today.
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