Just when I think it is safe... The other night, after the meeting I called my sponser on the way home. As I pulled into the driveway I began to gather my things as we were talking to go inside. Got my reading glasses, my keys but something was missing. Oh yeah, my cell phone. So I'm feeling all over the passenger seat for it, not there. Shit, it must have fallen on the floor. Nope. Not there. Check the drivers side floor. Nope. Between the seats? No. All right, it has to be here. Check everything again. Turn on the lights in the car and check again. Oh yeah, my pockets. Pat, pat. Nothing. Well, stop for a minute and listen. Oh, yes, my husband is a wonderful man. This is what I am hearing from my sponser. Okay, well just go inside its here somewhere and it'll turn up. You're just distracted. But, Bill will give me such a hard time if I tell him I lost it...because he's so wonderful. Maybe I left it at the meeting. Picture empty room. I don't think so. But I did put all my stuff down to lock the door. Maybe I left it on the doorstoop. This is what happens when you don't bring your pocketbook, stupid. I could get it in the morning if it doesn't turn up. No, not a good idea. I better go back and check. Start the car, back out of the driveway. CAREFUL, YOU'RE ON THE PHONE! YOU IDIOT! Laugh out loud moment, I know, but I could not believe it. And it freaked me out a little. I'm always looking for stuff. That's normal. But I could literally feel the blank spot in my mind. Total blank. Maybe it reminded me a little too much about how I felt after a blackout.
I did all this while talking on MY CELL PHONE. Racing thoughts, searching, while all the time having a "conversation" on the phone. Clearly I was not present. Part of it had to do with the conversation. We were talking a bit about my husband and some stuff that had happened. This woman is a recent widow and I don't think I should share with her my concerns or negative feelings about my marriage. She is clearly missing her husband and wants for me what she had. My grandmother told me what a lucky girl I was because she saw my husband give my baby a bath. That's a whole other story. My husband is a good man but he is no saint. And we've got issues that are going to have to be dealt with but that has to wait until I have gotten a little further in my recovery. And I should be a bit more sensitive as to who I am sharing with.
Meanwhile, I think I need to practice staying in the moment, let alone the day!
19 comments:
that sounds so familiar. i used to loose things all the time. even now, i can feel my heart stopping, then beating faster, and then i get that horrid feeling i used to get when i lost things while i was drinking. but it's getting less frequent now.
that is TOO freakin funny and OH SO like a "ME" moment.. But I think it is GREAT that you could laugh at yourself about it. I HAVE to laugh at myself most times or I think I'd literally go NUTS.
I relate to what you are saying about your husband being good but no saint. One big thing I've realized lately is how much I worry about "making" the hubby mad and ALL my attempts to prevent (or control) that from happening. Sooo my latest admission is that "I am powerless over my husband's anger". WOW - who knew!?
ANYHOO - maybe we can learn how to sllllooooowww down and really BE in the moment.. it is hard but soooo worth it! Take care :)
Sometimes it seems that we're too glued to the cell phone. I think that life was a bit easier when we weren't so connected.
hey! congratulations on your 4 months too!!! it's nice to have an anniversary buddy out there!
I've done the exact same thing with my cell phone!!!
4 months???
Wow....you must be doing something right! congrats
congrats on 4 months!!
Yeh i've done that loads too, the mind has a mind of its own, its "the at certain times we have no mental defense", your post just shows me again what we are up against.
How often have I looked for something and its been exactly where I have been looking, its only when I stop looking do I see it! Hmmm
Hey you had me going there, didnt the person you was talking to on the phone tell you that you had it in your hand, like the picture of the doll with no head as well, yes I lose my mind every so often too, when I get into bed its worse,
where have I put my keys, my wallet, my change purse, my memory stick, Im always forgetting that one, my sandwich box...
Strangely when I was drinking I could remember where all the drink was hidden, I used to have little bottles of whisky hidden in dry stone walls for when I took the dog out.
My phone well I usually ring it on the house phone when I lose that but I have left it at work before.
Hey thanks for the compliments BTW and I did write all them messages to Tracy now that explains why I got so few replies, talk about losing your mind!
A friend was sharing last night that she sometimes forgets that she puts food in the oven until she smells it. I forget my shit everywhere.
Never did it with a cell phone, but I have spent a long time searching for the reading glasses I happened to be wearing.
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