11 Months Sober Yesterday

Funny, I had kind of forgotten about it until I logged onto my blog and saw the date and thanks to those of you who also noticed. That meant alot. God Willing, I got my last monthly chip this morning. It felt good to be at the meeting and I sat next to the woman who urged me to get that first 24 hour chip. I think I'm going to sit next to her all the time. She sits outside the circle and I think thats what I need to do more of. Less talking and more listening. On the other side of me was the woman who had suggested I apply for the counseling job. She asked me if I had heard anything which I haven't yet. But she did tell me that they said they liked me, that I had good things to say and that the interview went well. That was good to hear because I thought it went well too. Felt like maybe I do have something to offer despite my lack of experience, (other than personal) in the field. So there's still hope. I guess its time to do a little follow up.

I didn't go to many meetings this weekend. Friday night I hadn't planned to go because I was supposed to go to a party but then I cancelled that. I just wanted to grocery shop. It felt good to be doing something normal. Then I didn't go to my Saturday morning meeting because I wanted to sleep late and just get up and do laundry. I missed the meetings but I feel like its time to get some of the mundane tasks back into my life and to do that I need to make time. I used to drink while doing these things and so I've slacked off there in the interest of self preservation. This weekend it felt good to be taking care of my family instead of just me, me, me. I know taking care of me is indirectly taking care of them and I can't lose sight of that. It's all about balance I guess and I'm still figuring that part out. And yesterday I missed the Big Book meeting because well, there was a lot to do. Why do I feel like I need to call in when I am going to miss a meeting??

I had a really nice day yesterday. The most special part was that my daughter suprised me showing up at the restauarant where my husband and I were taking my mother for brunch. She had said she couldn't come for mothers day because of finals and I didn't expect her. My son had to work. I was totally okay with it. I've been telling them the trip to Albuquerque covers the whole enchilada, no pun intended. But there she was standing at the hostess station when we walked in. She wanted to be with me. Really felt nice. I woke up to my son and 2 of his friends crashed on the living room floor having survived their junior prom. He feels comfortable bringing his friends home in the middle of the night. That feels nice too. He's 17 so maybe he couldn't bring himself to say Happy Mother's Day first thing, but when he remembered he did. I really don't need stuff and I am grateful my kids know that although apparantly they got me a webcam too that didn't come in on time. WTF am I going to do with that? But I'm sure they'll tell me.

What also was good was that I took my mom out to brunch and wanted to. I have a hard time being with her. She is just a different person....and I don't like it much. Not that I much ever did. Everyone else likes her but I usually don't. I think because I see what she doesn't show. Here is a woman who was very simple and wore a only a gold band for her entire life and now she's got a gaudy ring on every finger. Not to mention the pins all over her shirt...yet she can't figure out how to comb her hair. But I'm getting to acceptance and just the fact that I wanted to take her out and that we had a really nice brunch is progress. That we can joke about her memory loss. She decides what she wants at least 10 times while we wait to place our order. Its always the same thing though like its a brand new decision. We tell her its a good choice every time. Finally she closes the menu and then asks a few minutes later, have I decided what I want? We tell her to take a rest and we will remember her order for her. I called my brother to remind him to call her...instead of resenting the fact that he wouldn't. That's progress. I didn't feel guilty like I should be doing more than just taking her to brunch. She's got so much stuff I cannot add to it. Part of her thing is the compulsion to hoard. When she first was sick it was oyster crackers. She had boxes and boxes of them she would save from meals. She got over that and now its food. Looks like boxes of chocolates and honey dew melons are the latest. She's also into knickknacks, books....every surface of her room is covered. This is a woman who was all about beige and spare. Talk about a psychic change. But I did a lot of letting go this weekend and it was good to see that. One thing that gets me though still. Even though I've inventoried it and shared it in my fifth step. When I invite her to a sporting event of my son's, she always replies that she did her time with my 2 brothers. Adamently. I don't care whether she goes or not, but she is full of it. My brothers and I don't remember her attending anything of ours. Unless she was invisible and that is possible. I'm not sure who's got the faulty memory here but it really ticks me off and I want to say something but I don't. Good thing tomorrow is therapy and sponser day!

Maybe too because I wasn't at meetings this weekend, alot of stuff was coming up with my husband. I really need to work on this. More later. Have a good day everyone!