I went to my morning meeting this morning to help celebrate a 6 month anniversary...and I'm glad she got me there. It was a great meeting. Really grateful to have started my day there.
Last night I was honored to be asked to give my friend her 4 year medallion. That's the one we got at Bill W.'s gravesite, if I didn't write about it let me know. I never imagined almost 2 years ago, when I thought my world was over, when I thought I was the biggest loser on earth, the weakest link, the grossest most disgusting woman, wife, mother...that I would find such a dear friend. She got me right from the very start and gave it right back. And although we are very different and from very different backgrounds she is probably one of my closest friends right now and I think I was finally able to tell her that last night when I presented her with the medallion.
I am trying very hard to come at my mother with loving kindness and tolerance but it is very difficult. I left her place yesterday with such anxiety...it made me want a cigarette, which I haven't had since March 3rd, that made me think of a drink because I knew that that's what the cigarette was substituting for. So I just concentrated on my breath for the ride home and prayed to get through it. Had something to eat cause I had skipped lunch, did a centering prayer sit and then went to the coffee shop to continue to write my fourth step. It helped...but I was really grateful when another alcoholic showed up....drunk....not that I was grateful she was drunk...but I was grateful to be given the opportunity to get her to the meeting. I had stayed sober and now I had an opportunity to help another alcoholic achieve sobriety. That's what its all about.
My mother...well, suffice it to say that I am going to have to upset her...which I've been trying not to do..but her compulsive buying and hoarding is now resulting in collection notices and frankly she's running out of space in her apartment. But here's an idea! She lives in an assisted living facility and we pay a lot of money for that. How about I ask someone there for help? Someone with experience in these matters. Now where did I learn that??
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8 comments:
A 4 year medallion from Bill W.'s grave site is really special. I've not been there but it must be like a shrine. Amazing how people show up just when we need to get out of ourselves.
Syd..its actually very simple..not really shrine like...just 2 simple graves, Lois and Bill, but there are a lot of little trinkets around that people have left, mostly medallions along the top of the graves...the tradition is that you can take one if you leave one....
Ah! I need an idea on how to live? How to deal with life on life's terms? An idea to help me stay sober? Now....let's see....just WHERE would I go to get those ideas?
Ohhhh! How about some AA members, or how about someones who's "been there, done that",,such as the Nursing Home staff?? Hmmmmmmmmm.
I'm learning--it's clicking in -grin!
How wonderful - its still all about giving andd getting back - I love the tradition of paying it forward...
we really do learn how to handle any problem that comes our way, but if you are like me...ya just forget.
That's the great part about the "we", don't you think?
Hope everything goes well darlin'.
Sorry your mother is causing you anxiety. I'm glad you've learned how to cope better than by using booze.
Ah yes,asking for help...that fear that in so doing we are so inadequate when all we want to be is competent. But if we could do everything by ourselves, then why did God make us to want one another? I really appreciate your struggle with this. Thank you for your courage to share it so honestly. J.
oh i love your thinking. one good thing leading to another. and i wish you the best with your mother. like you say, surely there's someone out there who can help...
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