Its more hormonal than anything else I think but I've had good practice at living in the moment this week. If I stay in the moment, and not think of what has been or what might be....then I'm fine....but get me alone...thinking about relationships, talking about them, listening to others talk about theirs, I'm a mess. And its not easy to avoid, particularly when one is working on one's fourth step.
I had a great weekend with my kids...full of shared moments. I probably talked more to my son this weekend than I have in 3 months...and my daughter was home for awhile so I had them both together. Really nice....my husband was away so we didn't have that dynamic in there so it was very peaceful for me anyway.
Anyway, apparantly I missed a great speaker at the Big Book Step Study meeting Saturday morning which got my step study sponser all riled up. As I posted earlier, I was stalled on my fourth, though I restarted this week. She called and wanted to meet. Usually she just meets me about 10 minutes before a meeting on the fly. I honestly am not comfortable with her yet though I trust her with the process. Anyway, after hearing this speaker she has rededicated herself to sponsering me. So she says, I think you should go to at least one BBSS meeting a week and work on your writing every day. I think that too but it was interesting having her say it. I think it will help motivate me. I think it was also interesting that we were both in the same place without having talked about it. Maybe its that Higher Power thingy:)
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5 comments:
K,
I love that "thingy" thing! I used to do that with my sponsor all the time, or should I say she would do it to me. I would be thinking something about my step work for a long time and then pow...she would talk about it. So nice to be in the loving hands of God and a sponsor. Good luck with your 4th. I know it is hard, but the reward at the end is so unbelievable that it confirms immediately the usefulness of doing it over and over. LU J.
"Its more hormonal than anything else..."
I get my $2,700 hormone shot tomorrow morning--every three months...don't yet know what side effects are, except nurse said one side effect IS that I probably won't have a recurrence of my prostate cancer. I rather like that side...
BTW, that "Higher Power Thingie"--
isn't that a wonderful thingie? Especially when we are allowed an actual awareness of it happening, or having happened. Thank You, god!!
I love the HP thingy too, it really helps to just know that we're all in this together, even if some of us seem like they don't want to be, or run screaming from it all, we all are...and thank you for this post! Sounds like a great time spent with your family too!
Love,
G
4th makes you lose persecutive and objectivity. reactions are very unreliable. well more so than usual . temporary blindness. it goes after 5 though.
so keep on keeping on.. :)
The 4th and 5th step are great. But the 4th took a while to do for me--I did both Al-Anon and AA's fourth. It made me face a lot of things. Hang in there.
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