My Passion

Well, its been a busy week. Tuesday is my power day. Meeting in the morning. Work. Therapy in the afternoon. That is turning out pretty well. I really like the therapist. We went through my family history this week. I think that this will be a nice complement to my AA program. Gives me an outlet to discuss in a confidential and safe environment the things that come up or will help me to understand myself. So far so good anyway. Then I meet with my sponser and then we go to a Step meeting. Thursday turned into another power day. Meeting in the morning. Work. I went to court in the afternoon to support a member of our morning meeting who had his trial for his 3rd DUI offense. Mistrial 5-1 not guilty. He's made so much progress that I'd like to believe he doesn't need to go to jail to continue his journey but only time will tell. Then to my centering prayer session. I really connect to this way of prayer. And it keeps religon out of it. I have tried it at home. I have a book on it now and I will share some of it over the weekend. Then another step meeting at my other sponsers house. Basically, this morning I was AA'd out. I skipped the morning meeting and went in late to work. Felt good. I'll get to the meeting tonight and tomorrow is the morning meeting's 5th anniversay which should prove to be fun.

Anyway, Work. Yesterday, I had a bit of an epiphany. I have been struggling with my job. I like the work but it is very difficult to work with my employer, a sole practioner attorney. I brought up a few things yesterday for discussion, trying to change the things that I can. And as I suspected I must accept the things I cannot change. It was a good conversation because it brought clarity to me but he was really inappropriate and self serving. I believe he may very well be an untreated alcoholic. I have never heard someone who is not talk about how he doesn't drink so much. Or someone who doesn't drink have so many one glasses of wine. In fact I don't usually hear anyone talk about how much they drink unless they are at a bar or an AA meeting. It seems to come up more and more with him. And he just cannot take responsibility for decisions and consequences. It just seems very clear to me now. I have not shared with him my own journey as he is extremely judgemental and I have overheard his comments on those he perceives as alcoholics. So I'd rather just avoid that. There are a lot of pros to the job. I'm good at it. The hours are flexible and the pay is fair. I only answer to him and I have been able to "manage" him so far. But I am learning that this is just not my passion anymore and to put up with him for something that is no longer my passion may require a change on my part. So I'm thinking and exploring.

What is becoming my passion? My recovery. How can I turn that into a job? Well, many moons ago, I was an aspiring social worker. Ended up with a degree in psychology when the BSW didn't work out. So perhaps I should consider returning to my roots and get up to speed. This is just in the kernel of an idea phase and I don't want to make any big changes in my life right now. But I may take some steps to get my feet wet. It feels good to think about but I am trying to be careful that this doesn't turn into delusions of grandeur. This started with my thinking about opening a women's sober house. Thankfully, my sponser brought me to reality, ie: maybe think about volunteering in one before you plan to open one, LOL! Thank God for sponsers!!