Thursday, November 29, 2007
Friday, November 23, 2007
So I was tagged by shadow and Michael but I can't figure out the link thing so forget that. Anyway, here goes:
1. I have learned to have a grateful heart.
2. I have learned I have a disease and that my drinking was not a moral issue.
3. I have learned that just because I am changing does not mean the people around me are.
4. I have learned acceptance.
5. I have learned that staying in the day does not mean procrastination.
6. I have learned to pray.
7. I have learned that I am powerless.
8. I have learned to practice constant vigilance.
9. I have learned patience and tolerance.
10. I have learned that recovery is progress not perfection so although I am learning I am not always going to get it right.
11. I have learned that I cannot do this alone.
12. I have learned to call my sponser when I need her or even when I don't need her.
13. I have learned that to help another alcoholic is to help myself.
14. I have learned how to be completely honest with myself and others.
I think I have probably learned alot more but I'll stop here. If you have read this consider yourself tagged:)
Lincoln's 1863 Thanksgiving Proclamation
Lincoln's Thanksgiving Proclomation that follows is taken from the
collection of Lincoln's papers in the Library of America series, Vol
II, pp. 520-521.
The year that is drawing towards its close, has been filled with the
blessings of fruitful fields and healthful skies. To these bounties,
which are so constantly enjoyed that we are prone to forget the
source from which they come, others have been added, which are of so
extraordinary a nature, that they cannot fail to penetrate and soften
even the heart which is habitually insensible to the ever watchful
providence of Almighty God. In the midst of a civil war of unequalled
magnitude and severity, which has sometimes seemed to foreign States
to invite and to provoke their aggression, peace has been preserved
with all nations, order has been maintained, the laws have been
respected and obeyed, and harmony has prevailed everywhere except in
the theatre of military conflict; while that theatre has been greatly
contracted by the advancing armies and navies of the Union. Needful
diversions of wealth and of strength from the fields of peaceful
industry to the national defence, have not arrested the plough, the
shuttle, or the ship; the axe had enlarged the borders of our
settlements, and the mines, as well of iron and coal as of the
precious metals, have yielded even more abundantly than heretofore.
Population has steadily increased, notwithstanding the waste that has
been made in the camp, the siege and the battle-field; and the
country, rejoicing in the consciousness of augmented strength and
vigor, is permitted to expect continuance of years with large
increase of freedom.
No human counsel hath devised nor hath any mortal hand worked out
these great things. They are the gracious gifts of the Most High God,
who, while dealing with us in anger for our sins, hath nevertheless
remembered mercy. It has seemed to me fit and proper that they should
be solemnly, reverently and gratefully acknowledged as with one heart
and voice by the whole American People. I do therefore invite my
fellow citizens in every part of the United States, and also those
who are at sea and those who are sojourning in foreign lands, to set
apart and observe the last Thursday of November next, as a day of
Thanksgiving and Praise to our beneficent Father who dwelleth in the
Heavens. And I recommend to them that while offering up the
ascriptions justly due to Him for such singular deliverances and
blessings, they do also, with humble penitence for our national
perverseness and disobedience, commend to his tender care all those
who have become widows, orphans, mourners or sufferers in the
lamentable civil strife in which we are unavoidably engaged, and
fervently implore the interposition of the Almighty Hand to heal the
wounds of the nation and to restore it as soon as may be consistent
with the Divine purposes to the full enjoyment of peace, harmony,
tranquillity and Union.
Thursday, November 22, 2007
May your potatoes ' n gravy have nary a lump.
May your yams be delicious. May your pies take the prize.
May your Thanksgiving dinner stay off of your thighs. (or wherever else it may settle.)
MAY YOU ALL HAVE A BLESSED THANKSGIVING!
ps..I'll respond to the tag soon as I'm able:)
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Anyway, I told that story in my morning group and it was good to share it, unload it, dispose of it. I went to the bonfire because I felt I owed it to myself to replace that memory. And I did, with toasting marshmallows & hotdogs on a stick and good conversation and as we were leaving, someone called out, "you didn't get lost in the woods this time!" It's nice when people remember and know what something means. It was good for me to get out of my comfort zone. I hope that someday my husband will feel comfortable enough to share these moments with me. I hope that someday I will feel comfortable enough to share my feelings with him such as I can in a meeting.
Yesterday I attended a memorial service for a woman from AA. She apparently had some health issues and died peacefully but unexpectedly in her sleep. I had just gotten to know her and she was a quiet, gentle soul. I am sorry I didn't know her better but I am so grateful for the example that she has given me. Before she died, I knew her as a sweet, quiet and caring woman in my meetings who always had a friendly smile and a positive message. In death she has shown me how one person can touch so many and create a community and family. She apparently had a very difficult life from childhood when she was orphaned. Between her church and the AA community she created a network of people who cared deeply for her. If she didn't know this when she was alive I pray that she knows it now. The service her church provided her was beautiful and meaningful and I may have found a place to practice my faith and for this I will be eternally grateful. Now I just need the courage to try it. Thinking of attending a church feels like going to my first AA meeting and this church just so happens to be where I go to my morning meeting everyday. I am trying to avoid it at all costs but in my heart I know that once I get there I will be found. Gee, sounds famliar:)
Amazing grace, how sweet the sound
That sav’d a wretch like me!
I once was lost, but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.
’Twas grace that taught my heart to fear,
And grace my fears reliev’d;
How precious did that grace appear,
The hour I first believ’d!
Thro’ many dangers, toils and snares, I have already come;’
Tis grace has brought me safe thus far,
And grace will lead me home.
The Lord has promis’d good to me, His word my hope secures;
He will my shield and portion be, As long as life endures.
Yes, when this flesh and heart shall fail, And mortal life shall cease;
I shall possess, within the veil, A life of joy and peace.
The earth shall soon dissolve like snow, The sun forbear to shine;
But God, who call’d me here below, Will be forever mine.
John Newton, Olney Hymns (London: W. Oliver, 1779)
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Sunday, November 11, 2007
So thank you to all of you who so freely share. Not sure where I would be had I not found this forum where I am learning to express myself and where I am gaining experience, strength and hope. I am grateful for finding the Spirit of the Universe which has allowed me to connect because I believe that connection has allowed me to heal.
- Lord, make me a channel of thy peace;
- that where there is hatred, I may bring love;
- that where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness;
- that where there is discord, I may bring harmony;
- that where there is error, I may bring truth;
- that where there is doubt, I may bring faith;
- that where there is despair, I may bring hope;
- that where there are shadows, I may bring light;
- that where there is sadness, I may bring joy.
- Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort than to be comforted;
- to understand, than to be understood;
- to love, than to be loved.
- For it is by self-forgetting that one finds.
- It is by forgiving that one is forgiven.
- It is by dying that one awakens to eternal life.
Friday, November 9, 2007
Monday, November 5, 2007
Body, Mind, and Spirit by Anonymous, Copyright 1990 by Hazelden Foundation
Sunday, November 4, 2007
Saturday, November 3, 2007
Yeah, well we made the front page. Below the fold though so that's good. Of course our local rag got many details wrong and characterized the event as an "egg rampage". It was a dozen eggs, man. The"young child" who was hit in front of a witness is a freshman in my son's high school band and is not coming forward. My son apologized, hopefully with humility. He didn't come home from school with much humility. Seems one of the other boys isn't getting many consequences. This is making me spittin' mad. He has to pay for his lawyer and is not allowed anymore sleepovers, poor baby. Has learned a lesson simply by being arrested. Not only that, his parents are going on a 2 week vacation and leaving him home alone. They are leaving a 17 yr old home alone. A weekend maybe with lots of neighborhood watches but 2 weeks! Had this not happened, I would not know this and my son would be hanging there unsupervised. Come to think of it he has been there unsupervised because clearly these parents have different values than I do. I am trying very hard not to pass judgement but they are making my job so much more difficult. And their poor son. He is the Eddie Haskell of the group and not many parents like him. Clearly he has been abandoned by his parents. They don't come to any of the soccer games either. I don't know, it is hard enough raising a teenager but to be undermined like this just really pisses me off. The father told me at the police station that he would be grounded. My first instinct is to call them and tell them how disappointed I am in their decision. I did call them to offer a place to stay for their son while they are gone. Not with us (that would be a reward for our boys) but with another friend who lives next to the high school and has an extra bedroom. It sounded as though I got a thanks but no thanks. But at least my offer expresses my concern.
Had coffee with the other child's parent. We are on the same page but she is devastated. I felt really bad for her. She can't quite get past the reflection on her part. While we were having coffee I saw a few people from my morning meeting at the shop. It made me feel safe. And I am just very grateful I have this program to help me see this thing in perspective. I felt very confident in my feelings and decisions and was happy that I could pass some of that on.
Decided to go to a meeting last night. Well actually it ended up 2 half meetings so that I could catch my little felon's half time performance at the foot ball game. I was going to skip the meeting but I could feel the need in me. I am glad I went. The speaker at the first meeting had a very good message and one that I needed to hear last night. I was sorry to leave early and miss the group discussion but I was able to hear the West Side Story montage and the band sounded good. I didn't care to see the football so I went home and on the way realized that there was a meeting at 8 that I pretty much don't like. It is one of those big hall meetings. It's like a Friday night social. But I was anxious so I went anyway. Yup, you got it. Message I needed to hear. Then, a few faces that I had seen in Court were also there. Not sure I mentioned that before, but it seems everywhere I go now I see people that I have seen in the rooms. I saw these familiar faces when my son was arraigned but I didn't know them personally so I got to meet one fellow last night. It was really nice and not only that I won the 50/50 raffle. 12 bucks. Clearly meant to be.
On my way to a sober candle party tonight. I was invited by 2 different women. I want to shout out like Sally Field, "they like me, they really really like me!"
Friday, November 2, 2007
Thursday, November 1, 2007
My son was arrested last night and charged with assault and battery with a deadly weapon. Seems he and his friends thought it would be a good idea to drive around town with a dozen eggs (the deadly weapon) looking for teenagers to throw them at. 911 calls came into the police and they set up a net and stopped them, found the empty egg crate in the car and my son and one other boy fessed up to throwing the eggs and were arrested along with the driver. The other boys were sent home. An 18 year old girl was injured with, from what the cops say, a nasty welt on her side. Apparently her father was after them as well and we are lucky the cops got to them first. There is a report of a young child getting hit though no proof of this. I am extremely grateful that it appears alcohol was not involved. While my son admits he was really stupid he thinks this is "normal" teenage stuff. It doesn't feel normal to me. He's 17 years old. This seems the stuff of much younger kids. He is an honors student. He is smart. But you know what, sometimes he is not very nice. And he has been mean, at least to me. He used to be a compassionate kid but he doesn't seem so anymore. He seems remorseful but he has made a series of bad decisions especially since he got his license. And while he hasn't been caught drinking, I am sure he has been as I have seen some online pictures that look suspect.
And while I am full of fear and working on 4 1/2 hours of sleep, I feel strangely calm. I am worried about his record and his future, but I feel at peace. I am angry, but I'm not frustrated. I do have faith that what ever happens is supposed to happen. I will pray that my son be guided. I will pray that my husband and I are guided. According to the cops and a few lawyers, as a first offense, its possible that it can get reduced to disorderly conduct or something. I want whatever happens to be the best for my son. He needs this lesson. His world just got very small. He is not "normal". He is the child of an alcoholic.
So my husband and I get to celebrate our 21st wedding anniversary today watching our son get arraigned.
"In all times of emotional disturbance or indecision, we can pause, ask for quiet, and in the stillness simply say: "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference. Thy will, not mine, be done."