Happy Birthday Jessica!!

I know that 19 years ago today I was not drinking because I was giving birth to my daughter. When I found out I was pregnant I was petrified because we had been to a wedding and I had drunk myself into oblivian. I remember plodding down the streets of Philadelphia barefoot and fighting with my husband. Anyway once I found out I was pregnant I stopped drinking and didn't really drink or at least not heavily for about 2-3 years. Of course after my second child was born and I went back to work waitressing, the party began and pretty much did not stop until recently but that is a story for another day. I am just so grateful that I am sober today and of course petrified that my beautiful daughter will follow in my footsteps. I keep adding to all my conversations with her, don't drink. Like tonight, she's going to celebrate her birthday by going out to dinner with friends and going to a tree lighting in Boston and all I can say is have fun and don't drink! She's a freshman in college now and it is her journey. I just pray for her daily. That is all I can really do, right?

I have been pondering how I can help newcomers recently. I thought with just over 5 months sober I didn't have a whole lot to offer but in my step meeting we just finished the 12th step and we've been discussing it in my online group. Interesting. I know for me, right from the beginning, the best feeling in the world was when I could help someone or someone could relate to me. But I hestitate because I didn't think I had much to offer being newly sober. What I have learned and what I have been told is that all I have to do is share what I have done. It may not always be by the book (though for me, it usually is) but it is what works for me., not necessarily in order of importance. I started online, in an online group and here in blogdom. I reluctantly went to meetings thanks to what I learned here. I picked meetings to attend regularly. I became a secretary of a group. I got a sponser. I accepted invitations to tea. I read the Big Book. I read more literature. I journaled by blogging. I started the steps. I listen. I share. I pray. I am thankful. I try to help others. If I just share that, its enough. And to offer a smile, a pat on the back, a welcome, a ride, a phone call, anything, is enough. Whatever, its enough. I think about what people have done for me, and I try to do that for others. Encourage, hug, smile, welcome. An occasional 2x4. One woman in my online group called me to talk until I had the courage to get a sponser closer to home. One woman in my morning meeting urged me to get my 24 hour chip, it took me a few days but I finally went up to get it. One woman, gave me a phone list, her number and said the Lord's Prayer always made her cry too. Others offered me their numbers, told me they knew how I felt. One woman asked me for a ride. One guy said they were going to charge me more for the basket because of all the tissues I used. One guy asked me, "are you still here?" Fellow bloggers encouraged me and directed me. Challenged me. It just snowballed and snowballed until I am now just one bundle of overflowing gratitude and more importantly, I am sober.

Check out this link: http://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk/newcomer/videoh.shtml

I loved that video because it really brought me back to where I was. While I know I am an alcoholic, my human condition can cause me to forget what it was like and because I feel so good now, my mind can make me think it wasn't so bad. I was just like all those people. Exactly. They are good actors. I can never forget what it was like. But it is so much better to be like those other people at the end of the video offering the solution.

Anyway, that's what I've been doing lately. Thinking about this stuff. Thanksgiving was challenging but I didn't drink. Life is challenging, but I'm not drinking. I have been time constrained so not able to check in lately but I am here and grateful and I'll be coming to visit your blog very very soon:) Keep the light on for me.