NO not the chunks from a night of too much drinking. Not the dry heaves in the morning. I am just so emotional. Sometimes from gratitude, sometimes from fear, sometimes from joy, sometimes from self pity, sometimes the moon (ow wooooo!), but I feel like I keep emotionally throwing up. Yet, I woke up this morning and as I got ready for the day I had a real sense of well being, of peace. Like I just felt everything was going to be okay. And not just my sobriety but everything, my marriage, my kids, my future, my mother. I just realized that I did not need to dwell or act on all the thoughts that keep swirling around in my head and just knowing that it was going to be okay helped calm those thoughts down...a bit. Of course, I tried to share this at the morning meeting and just ended up crying...again. I am soooooo sick of crying at meetings, especially the morning one and it's embarassing. I bet they are sick of me too. Thar she blows!! I don't every time and sometimes I am really together. But geeeez, crying while reading the preamble, like last week? Get yourself together girl!
I keep hearing that this is normal. I excused myself from the meeting to weep and get control of myself and just got a lot of knowing nods, a few "are you okay" and I was. I can't put into words what I am feeling. Good, bad, sad, mad it just erupts and flows.
7 comments:
I'm on 4 months and I feel like I'm on an emotional roller coaster as well. Even similar issues as yourself, work, marriage, ailing parents, relationships. I think I numbed myself so long and pushed away the feelings and emotions that they are just coming to the surface now. Like you I'm feeling them, acknowledging them and hopefully for now that is enough.
Maura
Well I think its VERY cool to not be numb. But in the meantime 'medicate' your weepyness by fitting in as much AA as is manageable for you. the more you do, the sooner all this stuff slots into place. Speeds up the journey, so to speak, and keeps to as stable as is manageable. Remember how you felt when yu gave that new guy a big book? Well you get MORE of that if you TRY to help newer people than yourself. It really lifts the spirits. I started helping new people on a daily basis at about 3 months in. Women are easier to help than men. Unless you pass them onto a male old timer like you did with that guy. It puts you on cloud nine! Still does as a matter of fact..
And give the taoist arch a whirl if all else fails. Its pretty cool. Well I think so.
http://anon-recovery-archive.blogspot.com/2006/06/weepy-overwhelmed-try-taoist-arch.html
Hey, just out of interest, hows that step4 coming on ? you havent mentioned it for ages... did I miss something ?
Yeh lots a crying, get it all out dude!! am jealous :) I was like a lump of concrete for ages.
Crying is healing
you have been numb for so long, now is the time to get your emotions out and if that means crying, then do it! it's good to feel, the good, the bad, the ugly (not the movie, heee heee). i feel such positive and good vibes from your post. stay with it!
Glad to hear its coming on.
I would suggest no major changes during your step4 if possible. IF STILL IN DOUBT check out your motives with a few RELIABLE longer women members IN PERSON.
AND especially no major changes if there is a full moon and your pre mental!
I still remember the 1st meeting that I DID NOT cry. It just takes what it takes darlin'.
I bet there are people at the meeting who COULD love to be able to cry and get it out like you can.. I tear up a lot but can't get it out - it's just STUCK. and I just can't believe that holding all that mess in can be a good thing. Just because you don't SEE anyone else crying AT the meeting, trust me honey, they have their moments. Cry on sister! Get it out :) I think it's GREAT.
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