You Get What You Need and Blubbering Idiots

Last night was a good night. The meeting itself, not so great. The room was hot and stuffy, the fans were loud and you couldn't hear people speak, some of the people who spoke you wouldn't want to hear anyway and what you did hear was speech impediments. I'm sure there was something said that I could have related to but I either couln't hear it or couldn't understand it. The room was full and noisy. It was social hour for some. I hate that. But at the very end, one man shared this..(and he was one of the uncles, I've talked about).. that alcoholics go to meetings because that is what they do. He spoke of a man who showed up in the middle of meeting the night his wife of 47 years had died. It was the first thing this man wanted to do after he watched his wife die. He was embraced. Doug said that's when after 3 years of sobriety he knew he was an alcoholic.

At the end of the meeting I was able to approach a new guy. He had identified himself at a previous meeting and as Secretary of that group (yeah, I know, what are they thinking)I was able to offer him a Big Book. Anyway, I took that role seriously and the feeling from just being able to approach him was a good one. His doctor told him to get numbers of 10 men with over a year sobriety and he was asking me for a list. While we were talking Doug walked by and I was able to hook the 2 of them up. I cannot even explain the cloud I left on.

I know this is going to keep me sober. I don't know if this guy will make it. He's trying. But I feel I have found a way.

I tried to speak at this mornings meeting. I had it all planned to tell them about last night's experience and how grateful I am for them because starting my day there every morning has been a lifesaver for me. How I just emulated the Secretary of the morning meeting to be the Secretary of Monday's meeting. I wanted to tell them how I can't wait to get going on my 4th step because I know it will mean progress and progress will mean service and service will mean more sobriety and more sobriety will mean grace and on and on and that is what was good about today. Well, I turned into a blubbering idiot. I got caught by suprise because it was my turn to speak second. Couldn't even get past one sentence. I was so full. And it just got worse from there. People shared, I was touched. Two people had a year today, we had a someone with a month and someone with 24 hours. One woman had her two little ones there playing nicely. Someone was starting their first day without cigarettes. People were coming back, people were welcomed. Yes, it was the ugly cry but there were smiles as well. I can't stop crying. Not sure if it is because my cup runneth over or because my antidepressent medication ran out and i'm waiting for the refill:)

I might not be posting for a few days because I want to devote my time to the fourth step. Between work, family, meetings, my online group and sober blogs, 24 hours a day is not enough to do everything I want and need to do. So something's got to give and my poor husband already is not getting dinner anymore. I hope I can do it all but if not, I'll be reading just not responding till its done.

have a great and sober day!