I posted this yesterday not sure why but it showed up for August 10th so I'm going to try it again:)
Well stuff happened since my last post. The speaker dilemmas continue. The guy I asked to speak backed out the morning of, said his sponser told him no talking til 90 days so we have a deal for that. I was okay with him but I was suprised at me. I was really upset at myself. I guess I felt that I had put him in jeapordy which of course makes it all about me when it has nothing to do with me. What did have to do with me was twofold. One: I thought I was trusting my instinct which in turn must be God's Will (WRONG!) and Two: I had to find another speaker which meant calling someone. After alot of hemming and hawing, pacing and praying, I did call someone who agreed to speak and spoke beautifully. It turned into a great meeting and I learned some real valuable lessons about group consciousness, instinct, God's Will, etc. I still have 2 speakers to get, well just one because last night I was giving a woman a ride home and she was talking about how she hated to speak but her sponser said she should never say no. So of course, I asked her for next week. We roared. I think that was probably God's Will.
I don't know why I'm so obsessed with God's Will but it's tripping me up. I think my problem has been that I want to recognize it and I don't think that is possible. God's Will just Is. Nothing to plan for, anticipate, prepare for, even pray for. Inspired by these events and by Martha's question about defining Higher Power, I bought a book called "In His Footsteps, Living Prayer, Poverty and Peace with Francis of Assisi," which describes itself as a handbook for a spiritual journey and gives you daily readings to begin you day with and meditate on, a mantra to repeat throughout the day and a prayer to end the day with. It's helping me learn to pray and not feel awkward about it.
Guess what today's mantra is?
In thinking about why I drank, I believe there was emptiness that I was trying to fill. In this sober life I have found I am full, "You Are Enough for Me."
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4 comments:
i drank (1) to loose weight (2) because i was bored (3) i hated my co-dependency (4) i felt helpless to change hubby's biking habits, not necessarily in that order...
"not sure why but it showed up for August 10th"
Ithink Blogger uses the date and time from the inital creation of a post. So if you create it and then spend a few hours (or days) editing it before posting it, when you finally do post it, it will be dated a few hours (or days) earlier than when you post it. Maybe that explains it?
Anyway, I wish Blogger would use the date and time of the initial posting rather than the date and time the post was created.
Hee HEE....I can't imagine spending days editing a blog. I type I push POST.
At the bottom of your blog post is an options button open it and you can change the date.
Now...onto your post..GREAT...BUT..quit thinking so much :)
Gods will sometimes I think, is just to stay sober, go to meetings, lend a hand, be quiet, pray....things will unfold naturally. God is OLD and SLOW.
Hey, it's good to catch up with you. You must do it a little differently on the North Shore. On the South, the bookie gets groups to come and share, not individuals.
I loved reading of your sober vacation. It sounds like it was idyllic. Aren't sober vacations great? You remember all of it!
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