So I went to the meeting this morning and on the way thinking about how if she was there what I was going to do..and if she wasn't there who I would talk to, if anyone. I had called my sponser last night but she wasn't available. Guess who was sitting in the meeting when I arrived??? At a meeting she NEVER goes to....you guessed it my sponser! And then the person who started the meeting today read from page 417...acceptance is the answer. And I talked to my sponser...and I also talked to another member of the group later....point being I was asking for help.
Do you think her phone was disconnected for a reason? I do. As my sponser put it, by confronting her alone (really bad idea) and giving her the opportunity to put it back and then not saying anything I am now taking on the problem and not the solution. My sponser's suggestion is to put it to the group (without mentioning names). In fact, there may very well be others who have done the same thing. I am sure of it, it just makes logical sense. I just happened to see this one. The other person I spoke with, who is a member of the group...(my sponser isn't) took it a step further and suggested that it be brought to the business meeting this Saturday. That a newcomer to the meeting doesn't need to hear this stuff. Is it a coincindence that it is a business meeting this Saturday? I think that is the answer...my first reaction to acceptance is that it can give me the justification to do nothing. I also heard this morning that I have to accept that there is a problem and once I have I can work for a solution. As a member of the group I am responsible to bring this out...this person is a keyholder as well...how's that for really complicating matters? I think my original thought was to let her know her "secret" was out in the open and give her the opportunity to do the right thing. But the risk in that is that some people are incapable of being honest with themselves....doesn't mean forever....and that can threaten the group....and the Tradition One states that "our common welfare should come first...personal recovery depends on AA unity." If I keep this to myself or to herself...that is our personal recovery...this is a group issue revolving around the space where our group meets. We could lose this space. This is not a matter for Me to decide how to handle or Her to decide. The next right thing...is to give it to the group. And ultimately to God. And to know that this has been placed before me for a purpose. What that is, I have no idea.....but I KNOW. And that is enough.
I really appreciate your comments on this one. I need the push...and the validation....Jess's point is right on...I am struggling with the issue of what people will think of ME when I bring this up....and it has nothing to do with me. As long as I can approach it with kindness, love, tolerance, and honesty...I am doing the right thing.
If I was drinking I could just drink this away...and do nothing. That is what I'd really like to do...is nothing...truth be told. I wish I hadn't seen it. What I don't know doesn't hurt me. That is very very wrong. What I don't know hurts me more than I will ever know. Doing nothing is not an option for me anymore. I must Let Go and Let God and that is doing something.
The Delicate Equilibrium
1 week ago