Sunday, May 10, 2009

Things HIdden

If you ever have an opportunity to hear Richard Rohr speak..do it. He really helps me to make sense of the difference between religon and spirituality. I attended a talk on this book yesterday with a friend and it was a good day. I'm looking forward to reading it.

In the interest of hidden things, as I continue on the process of listing my resentments I find myself in this limbo. As outlined in the Big Book, we list our resentments and how they affected us, self esteem, personal relationships, ambition, security, [fear], sex relations. Once we have done that we go back and look at our part. Well, I haven't got to the fourth column yet so I seem to be left with an unsettled feeling. It's not necessarily bad, but let's just say I'm not feeling as joy filled. So I thought, why not make a separate list...of the things about the people on my list that I am grateful for. I haven't discussed this with my sponser yet. I hope she doesn't give it a red light. It really has nothing to do with the inventory and it won't be in my notebook. But in this moment, because my Mother is the first on my list and because its Mother's Day....

I am grateful that my Mother gave birth to me.

I am grateful for the little pool parties when we were in the projects.

I am grateful for the Love/Peace dress she made me in the 6th grade.

I am grateful that she cooked our meals and washed our clothes.

I am grateful that she went back to school and set the example of change.

I am grateful that she saved all my board money and used it to help supply my apartment.

I am grateful that she got me my first credit card and watched over it because she worked in the credit department of the bank.

I am grateful for the beach house she rented for a few years.

I am grateful for all the Christmas's she made special.

I am grateful she helped me paint the pantry when we moved and I was pregnant.

I am grateful for the comfort she tried to offer when my heart was broken.

I am grateful for the care she took of my father when he was dying.

I don't know if this will help..but it feels necessary.

6 comments:

steveroni said...

I am grateful to watch you grow--right before our very eyes!

Banana Girl said...

Lovely list. You are working the very hardest part of step 4 so be easy with yourself. I know that feeling of standing on the head of a pin and feeling like you may fall. All of what we thought was true is now being examined in a continuum from true to false and back. It is so very hard. However, the reward at the end is so indescribable and so satisfying that you will be amazed. It is hard to describe and that it probably why no one in my experience has ever accurately described this release from the hell we have escaped. Have a wonderful Mother's Day. More will be revealed. J.

Judith said...

Wonderful list. Happy Mother's Day, Kathy! {{{{{hugs}}}}}

Anonymous said...

This is a beautiful list.

Shadow said...

what a list, wow. hope your mother's day was memorable.

lana said...

I think it is a great list and balances it all out. For every 'bad' there is always an opposite. To only look at one side doesn't give the full picture. good going.