That's a tough one but I'm working on it. It was a joy last week to spend with my 7 year old niece and 10 year old nephew. I didn't spend time thinking up activities for them that would allow me to drink. Didn't dump them on my daughter, though they often dumped me for my daughter:) Revelation: it was a crazy week, full of schedules because while they were on vacation we weren't but it was fun. Normally, I would be all stressed out plannng, packing, scheduling, etc but I didn't. I let the week happen. Now that was a problem for my husband. He kept trying to pull me to where I used to be and getting upset that I wasn't there.
I gave my daughter my 2 month chip yesterday. We did not have a deep, heart to heart as I wanted but that's okay too. She does not want to hear it and I don't blame her. I am happy to just have it out in the open with her. When she wants to talk she'll hopefully come to me. I hope the chip will protect her when she goes off to college. I will give my son my 3 month, God willing.
Today I will be resigning as co-president of the Band Parents Association. (stop snickering back there:) I got drafted into this position last year and I did have fun doing it but I can't do it anymore. It requires time and my time is now spent at meetings and getting sober. I've already met with some resistance from the Band Director and I hope this will not reflect on my son. I can't share why. I told my partner president that I was working on personal issues long left untended and left it at that. She is resigning too because her son dropped out of band. So tonight is the big meeting with all the parents where we discuss what we do (mostly fundraising) to the freshman parents and elect new officers. So far noone has stepped up to our initial requests for volunteers. As it is I will be late to the meeting so I can go to my Tuesday Women's Stepsisters meeting. I'm worried about the whole thing but it is out of my hands.
My sponser is home from her road trip. I screwed up and planned to meet her before the meeting tonight. But I have also offered to give another woman a ride (who I have to tell I can't give her a ride home because I've got the band parents thing). Maybe I'm letting the whole live in the day thing go too far:) I have a problem saying no, can you tell? Shit.
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5 comments:
I think it is excellent that you are focusing on your recovery right now. In the beginning...we just HAVE to do that in order to get a foothold on the steps and sober living. Our children do come around when we start showing our willingness to change.
Good honest post..you band parent you :)
Whats the band group?
I gotta admit I did 120 meetings in my first 120 days of sobriety then started to tail off, now I am taking a newcomer, a old friend I will have to start increasing my AA meetings, I would love to see my friend get what I got, he has been told if he keeps going he will have 2 years to live because his liver is suffering
hey! glad to hear you're out and about and doing well.
"Now that was a problem for my husband. He kept trying to pull me to where I used to be and getting upset that I wasn't there."
Everyone around us gets comfortable with a set way of dealing with our alcoholism. Then we get sober and everything changes. This in turn makes it hard on everyone around us and they often try to pull us back into our old behaviors. Not on purpose, just because it feels like the "easier, softer way." Or sometimes maybe it's no so much that they're pulling us as that the well-worn ruts of our old patterns of behavior are pulling us and we mistakenly assign the blame to those around us.
That's my experience anyway.
If we are serious about this thing, there is some ? "sacrificies" to be made. My experience is that the rewards for putting my recovery first, are far more fulfilling than that which I have given up.
Regarding changing your plans, I find if I have to change plans which involve other people, I TRY and let them know as soon as possible. Its helpful for them to have time to make other arrangements and for me, it doesnt sit in my head longer than it needs, and i can get on with the next thing.
Learning to do the right thing, takes practice, its great that we become aware that overcommiting feels uncomfortable, and learning to say no or KEEPING IT SIMPLE thats a simple plan for the day, is something I try to do.
Glad your back posting again and thanks for your comments on my blog.
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