Happiness

I don't know how to write this without sounding, well.... jealous. And I'm not jealous but I do feel uncomfortable. And I've had trouble figuring out why. So jealousy could be the cause but I don't think so. There is a small group of women that I have become friendly with in AA. They are the ones I socialize with, go on retreats, have tea, etc. outside of the rooms. They are all going through enormous change....one is my sponser who ended her 17 yr marriage, the other a close friend who ended her 10 yr relationship, another friend is having all kinds of job, home and relationship changes as well, and one is talking about moving up north where she'll feel more tapped into her community. I only share the major part of their specific issues to exemplify that these are major changes I'm talking about. And while other men are involved in the relationship issues they are not the causes of them. I appreciate that they consider me a friend as well as a fellow AA member that they can talk to through these things. On the other hand, my world has not changed with the exception of the empty nest. I guess maybe the issue is that I can't identify. I have the same marriage, the same home, the same job, the same weight, etc. The only thing that isn't the same is that I am sober.

What I need to keep up front is that they have all been sober much longer than me...I can't have their sobriety and the life choices that come along with that...I can't hurry up, I can't have 20 yrs when I have 2 yrs, I can't change things I'm not ready or even know if they need changing....I can only be where I am. But I guess I feel like I'm being left behind. That's not reality though. That's the twisted thinking in my head. So I'm happy in my calm peaceful way...trying to stay a steady course and leave drama behind. But doing that around giddy romance can be difficult.