According to Emmet Fox, the Golden Key is the means to help solve all kinds of problems and overcome all sorts of handicaps. It is simply this...."Stop thinking about the difficulty, whatever it is, and think about God instead." He says that all that is essential is to have an open mind and sufficient faith. That's where I think I am getting stuck. I've got the open mind...definately..but sufficient faith? I'm not so sure.I wondered at the full moon last night, after a lengthy "conversation" with my husband in which halfway through I began to practice the Golden Key. God is with me, I kept repeating to myself trying to replace the thoughts and feelings I was having towards him. Not necessarily about the subject at hand, but as a good alcoholic I went way beyond that, more of whether or not I could live the rest of my life with this man. I stopped the thought and replaced it, I did. It helped. But I guess where I wonder about sufficiency is that, for me, part of coming to believe was accepting that I did not understand the "God of my understanding." I could not define my Higher Power, just that It Is. Be Still and Know that I Am. And I feel a certain serenity and peace most of the time with that. But is not understanding and just accepting enough? It feels shaky. I think of Ted Kennedy who had enormous faith, one whose life did not always adhere to the principles of that faith, yet he held on and managed to live a redemptive life that did a lot of good for alot of people. He perservered. He seemed to garner strength and courage from his faith. I don't feel strong and courageous. And I don't feel that my convictions are firm. I accept but I'm not sure I trust. But I'm open. I'll try it.
What I know for sure and what I say to newcomers all the time, is that this is a practice, we hear and see it all the time in the pages of the Big Book...practice these principles... practice implies progress..and progress implies growth. The answers will come if our house is in order. Situations that used to baffle us will suddenly become clear. I was a drunk and now I am not. I practiced what I learned in AA, followed suggestions, and committed to the process of the 12 steps. I am a sober woman...I have to start there.
5 comments:
Faith, yes its a nebulous thing hard to keep hold of it slips away just as we almost grasp it.
Surely a God must be a mind without a body, a universal mind that gave the universe meaning and in the depths of quantum mechanics its very existence.
I too keep trying and practising often painfully aware of my many defects
Good post Cathy but where do I click on your blog to be a follower?
I hear you.
The biggest challenge in my sobriety has been the relationship with my partner. We've had wonderful times since I've sobered up, we've had some terrible times as well.
The rough times always fill me with doubt. Doubt about who I am and even doubt about if I belong to AA. Thoughts that I need just let drift away, far far away. Those bubbles of self-pity are dangerous goods in my life.
I love what you say about being committed to the process of the 12 steps. Changes do come. Changes come in a way that I do not expect. Surprises. Changes that come while I stay in God's hands.
Thanks for sharing, it was insightful.
I like the idea of being still and knowing that God is there. That says a lot to me. We are thinking some similar things today.
You are back! I loved your comment and was delighted to know that you were on the blog again. I will read your entries when I get more time. Hubby just woke up and I need to make breakfast. But, anyway, didn't want to let the day get out there much further without telling you I have missed you. J.
Great post, so true that it's all practice, opening to our willingness to practice and opening to the love of god that is always there...
thank you for the amazing reminder.
G
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