I've also been grappling with sponsership. As I discovered, I think one of the underlying motivations in going through the steps again was to avoid this vital aspect of our program. I could justifiably say...No, I can't sponser yet, I'm not far enough along. And in Big Book Step Study this is true. Their group conscious states that you must have completed the process with a BBSS sponser. But in AA this is not true. I have been through the steps once and try to practice them daily, and while I obviously cannot share what I haven't got, I can share what I have. So I've stopped saying no and started saying yes. If they are willing I try to direct them to BBSS because I think that is a great way to go through the steps. But I also know that at 3 months sober I would have probably balked. My sponser actually had suggested I might like their approach way back in the beginning but I in no way wanted a different sponser. I wouldn't even go to the meeting to check it out. Another example of me not following a suggestion. So if my sponsees choose not to go, I can still take them through the BB and the steps, as my sponser did me, to the best of my ability right now and take it one day at a time. I am open with them about where I am and it seems to be working. As long as we are trudging, it's all good. And lest I forget, I of course discussed this with my sponser and my BBSS sponser.It's a blessing to have someone ask for sponsership and its an honor. I am learning so much and having people call me for support and guidance is a miracle. I don't really feel worthy but I'm working on that. When someone pays me a compliment what am I saying about them if I tell them its not true? And again, the bottom line as always, trust and rely upon God. That third step prayer seems to be working for me and I am so grateful that it has incoporated into my being.
9 comments:
I began to sponsor at 3 months sober, just after completing my 5th step. It has been quite a ride since. It has been the greatest blessing and challenge.
I have never been bored in recovery. I have never not had something to do in service to others.
And I know it's God because I have no capacity to do anything other than read the book with them and share the experiences I've had. And that's the only thing I have to give, my time, patience, love, some understanding and experience.
Though I'm sure I've given out opinion too. I was trained to qualify right off the bat that my opinion could be complete crap, but my experience is truth. "If you hear me spout opinion please check it with 3 other people who you consider spiritually sane."
:) God does the rest, and I'm in Awe of Him.
Oh and it also forces me to call my sponsor more than I normally would. Maybe God knows what he's doing after all :oP :)
Big Book pages 91-103 give explicit, clear, definite, precise, specific directions and instructions which are SO important to read several times and understand thoroughly when working with another alcoholic.
I beg you (with your sponsor's permission) to read these pages, underline, copy, whatever, and then you will know "How It Works"!
And you will be ready to carry whatever message you have to anyone anywhere. They say if I am unsure how to do it--don't do it. This chapter "Working With Others" tells me EXACTLY how to do it!
Kathy Lynn...I know you knew that -grin!
Bon voyage with sponsorship. Jessie really hit the bullseye IMO.
Having a sponsor is a blessing.
Being a sponsor is just as big a blessing.
Sounds like you are in a really good place.
PG
yeah its great but its a bit like having a kid and they turn into a teenager. it starts off all nice but at some point they will be dissapointed and take your inventory but they're only human, so why not.
good luck with yours! i have a feeling they will want to adopt you as a surrogate mother if you are not careful :) you may end up having to prise their hands off your apron strings. oh well. all part of the journey :)
I think the Irish friend speaks a big truth. But the important thing is that you have a very experienced sponsor to help sort it out. Oh, yeah, if someone's drinking bothers you, there's another program =)
Great post, it was hard for me to keep an idea of sponsoring until my sponsor reminded me that all it takes is you, sobriety, and the BB...keep it up!!!
Hugs,
G
I don't let any expectations gather in my head now when I deal with sponsees. Some will continue the journey and most won't. I'm just glad that I did. I can only offer my E, S, and H.
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