I don't know. I haven't felt much like writing lately. Nursed a cold all week. To be perfectly honest I think I milked it for all it was worth. I know its tis the season and all that and I do like the meaning of the season and the good cheer but I really do not enjoy the frenetic pace, the commercialism, the extra work, etc. I was feeling good about my new outlook on life, one day at a time, living in the moment, letting go...but maybe because I took some time to rest this week, I really started to feel the pressure because now I'm behind on everything. The bills, the decorating, the shopping, the socializing on top of the usual requirements of life, work, bills, cleaning, laundry, cooking, etc. It's just too much. Did I mention the bills?? So yeah, I took some time to rest, to take care of myself. But now I feel as though I'm paying for it and I'm getting that knot in my stomach. And I''m getting less and less done. I'm trying to pray. And it does indeed help. Something new and different. The St. Francis Prayer especially. And I really like my meetings. Especially if I make myself go. And if I look around, within my home, my family, my friends, I realize just how much I have to be grateful for and so what if my neighbor has their lights up and I never get mine done. And my town can wait another month for the water bill. And I don't have to go to every party. And we can wear our jeans an extra day or two or three. Whatever.
Thankfully I am not looking for a drink but I am looking for relief. I'm looking for my pink cloud and all I see are boxes of Christmas stuff to unpack, catalogs to shop from, bills to pay, etc. Just a week ago I was commenting on how calm I was feeling when usually I was so frenetic at this time of year. I'm not frenetic and that is progress, but I do have this knot in my stomach that is making me clench my fists and jaw. Meeting makers do not make it but they do get help. I need to call my sponsers. And I need to finish that fourth step. And keep praying. Those are my priorities.
I know that I will get it all done. I always do. But I always drank to get through it. Drank while shopping, drank while baking, drank while decorating, drank while wrapping, etc. I am looking forward to getting it done sober and peaceful. I think that what I will find, if I Let Go and Let God, if I take it One Day at a Time, if I Bless them and Change me, and if I Let it Begin with Me is the true meaning of the season and that I can do it sober.
Peace on Earth
Good Will Toward Men
8 comments:
i heard on tv: what's the use of having family and loved one's around you over the holiday if you don't get to love having them because of all the work involved. so, do what you can, at your pace and enjoy it! now i also gotta practice what i preach, heee heee heee
I'm much more laid back this year. I'll get things done but they might not be on "schedule". I'm keeping my own schedule.
Girl...I have done nothing towards Christmas prep.
I know there really is enough time, I just procrastinate so much, that it FEELS like there is not enough time. Pay the bills tomorrow night, do the laundry (only the have to stuff) on Wednesday. Shop for one hour only on Thursday. Just make those kinds of lists in the morning. Small and managable is the key for me.
We'll get it done darlin'.
yeah. go easy my friend. i do virtually nothing at xmas. It's become nothing more than a pointless social ritual. I have no need to have to use one day of the year to be reminded of spiritual principles. and i have no appetite for commercialization. basically I'm a non conformist, and i have no desire to 'fit in' to other peoples ideas of what they should be doing on particular days. AA meetings on Christmas days are nice though. and i like to go to BIG churches in town sometimes too. they are breathtakingly beautiful! but the food and all that? forget it!
just chill. do your own thing. well as much as you can anyway..
Pick what you like to do best and enjoy doing that. Delegate where you can. Remember that you don't HAVE to do everything. This year I decided not to use a bunch of my ornaments (e.g. Christmas village) or put lights outdoors other than a spotlight. It was very freeing.
I FEEL YOUR PAIN girlfriend. You don't have to get it ALL done at once - take little pieces and somehow it works out ya know? Well guess I better work. Just checking in on you. Keep it SIMPLE or as simple as possible. And none of this sh*t has to be PERFECTO remember? I have to remind myself of that :)
Keep it simple
Spend it with those you want to
No perfectionism
do what makes you feel confortable
No victimlike behavior
stay honest
1st Christmas will feel different sober, unfamiliar
Meeting as often as possible, gives you and them a break from you! you will come home with a new head on each time.
Look what you can bring to it, which could mean having a rest and asking for help from someone else
It is ok to say no to a social occasion more than once and spend it at home
Take things a morning/afternoon. evening/day at a a time
Mainly dont drink
activate restraint of tongue and pen
no projecting
and enjoy!!
Look for the beauty in the forest not the uglines of the trees
It's a lot of pressure. I hope you will take it easy on yourself. And especially don't feel bad for feeling bad.
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