Reflections

Been reflecting on the difference between self caring and being selfish lately. When I was drinking I was completely and totally selfish. It was all about me and how I felt. Even though on the outside I looked like the loving wife, involved parent, concientious worker, devoted daughter.. on the inside I was seething and all I cared about was changing my consciousness. And I did. Now all I care about is staying sober. And while putting my sobriety first can seem selfish, I'll choose a meeting over making dinner for the family, I'll call my sponser instead of my mother, etc, it is only by doing these things that I can be fully present to my family, my friends, and another alcoholic. Last night, after the meeting, I came home and watched Season 2 of The Office with my daughter and my husband on my bed. My son had his friends over which is a huge step for him. He NEVER wants to have his friends over. That evening never could have happened if I were drinking. I cannot tell you how fulfilled I felt this morning. Anyway, in a good place today. Got to balance my checkbook, do the bills, fill out financial aid forms and put away these dang Christmas decorations because I'm sick of them and they make my house look and feel messy. And in between that I am going to get a nap in and watch the Patriots go undefeated for the regular season.

Oh yeah, visit my new friend in soberville http://annlwa.blogspot.com/. She has helped me to reflect back to 6 months ago... I needed a Mechanic. I think she may as well.