Back by Popular Demand

Well, not really. Not really back and not by popular demand but I did want to check in before I leave on vacation on Saturday. Its been a busy couple of weeks and I am so grateful that I have a program in my pocket so that when I miss meetings or my routine is disrupted I've got a fall back. I've been able to enjoy the fruits of what I've worked on this last year, time with family as a full participant and that I can remember. I am consistant and reliable. Not perfect by any means as my children are quick to point out but I continue to pray that my defects be removed so that they appear less and less. Went to my morning meeting this morning and it felt like a warm blanket on a chilly morning.

Some vignettes from the week:

Played Risk with my nephew and my kids until 2:00 am Monday night. I won, world domination! Though I truly did not want to play. Its too long and tiring. But I made it through the game and I was not drinking. I played the game because I was not drinking. It was fun. The family dynamics were in full force. I woke up the next morning and skipped work not because I was hungover but because I was simply tired and wanted to spend the last day with my family.

I had to clean out my Mom's cabinets and fridge. She loves to shop. It makes her happy and it makes her feel normal. However she has no short term memory so she keeps buying the same things over and over. She also has no insight and truly lives in the now so she doesn't realize she's got stuff from 2005 hanging out in her fridge and on her shelves. She buys the cooked lobster (not from 2005!!) but we know she will never eat it. She doesn't need the food, meals are provided. I had my niece and nephew with me to divert her attention with rousing games of Go Fish while I emptied everything salvaging what I could. My AA group got 4 lbs of coffee. My mom was disgruntled and disturbed. But I cannot allow this to go on anymore. Its potentially dangerous. And I can no longer avoid the confrontation taking charge may bring. She's like a child and I must treat her as such with love and compassion but with firmness as well. So yes, she was ticked. Every time I went to the barrel to dispose of the food, I'd return to find her at the counter trying to regain control. She was furiously writing notes to herself while I was clearing out the fridge. She left for lunch while I was still there and I checked out what she wrote...."Kathy ransacked my cupboards. Go to barrel and get bags." Smart Lady! I took the note but just for security purposes took the barrel to the dumpster.

At Monday nights meeting a fellow that I hadn't seen in awhile showed up. He approached me at the break to show me his 1 year medallion. I had given him a Big Book at that same meeting and introduced him to some men in another group to connect with. He was one of the very first people I "helped". I remember the feeling very well of how much it had helped me in my brand new 30 or 60 days of sobriety to guide someone newer. And I let him know how much it had helped me to help him. It was a joy to see him succeed and humbling that he came back to the meeting to show me. I know that feeling very well. I remember with deep gratitude everyone who reached their hand out to me to guide me along this road of happy destiny. Its not easy. Many of the people I started out with are no longer walking beside me. I just pray they are on the road at all. But boy is it cool when we get to see the program work!!

Anyway gotta get back to work. I hope to catch up with all of you when I'm on vacation with some time on my hands....I plan to read, write and meditate in between kayaking and sleeping. Happy summer! xo