Nothing Changes if Nothing Changes

So here I am at 9 months, yes I celebrated on March 11th but due to my sporadic blogging of late I did not get to celebrate here in blogdom. My life in the last nine months have been nothing BUT change. I have given birth to myself. I think differently, I have a spiritual connection that I never had, and I am sober. My priorities have shifted. My family might say the shift is not so great. They are happy I am sober and very supportive but they notice that the house, their meals, their laundry, the bills, etc. are not my overwhelming concern anymore. My poor husband is still asking what's for dinner and my answer is usually whatever you can find, I've got to go to my meeting. My son keeps looking for clean laundry and my answer is usually, I want your future wife to like me, do it yourself. And so on. But in the long run, our family is the stronger for it and my children are learning what is most important by my example. I know that my focus is where it should be and where it needs to stay. My sobriety and my relationship with God. This means the day to day details of life sometimes get overlooked. However, I am making progress in this area as well. I actually went grocery shopping yesterday and planned for future meals! Progress. Have to be careful that I don't use my sobriety to cover for some of defects like procrastination (a five sylable word for sloth according to the 12 x 12), selfishness, pride and to "hide" in AA. But "real" life and concerns are coming back and getting incorporated into my new life. Just trying to do the next right thing. I heard someone say recently that AA was not his whole life but it made his life whole. Right now I'm in the middle. AA is a huge part of my life right now, meetings, roundups, retreats, phone calls, readings, postings, and last but not least praying. And my life is not whole just yet but I can see a light where the 2 shall meet and I feel certain that I am on my way to life will becoming whole. It gets closer and closer with each day.

So yes my life is all about change now. When I was drinking I wanted nothing to do with change. I was very comfortable and felt safe in my routines. I never thought of a life without alcohol. Didn't want it and didn't think it was possible. What problem? I would say to myself over and over again and promise my husband, I will not drink today, and continue to say so as I drove home from work, walked through the front door, opened the cabinet, opened the wine, poured it and drank it and finished it. And the next morning I'd be suprised. How did that happen? It never changed. I was unwilling. I was dishonest. I could not open my mind to the possiblity of life without alcohol. So something happened to change that and I am sure it wasn't me. I wasn't "struck sober" as a struggling woman keeps asking me. Once the grain of possiblity entered my brain, it was and still is alot of work. But it was a possiblity of a future, of hope, of life that was and is worth working for. I am just so darned grateful. Peace to you all.