If you haven't read Mary Christine's postings the last 12 days on the 12 steps please do. Her post today on the 12th step got me to thinking. I have worked with other alcoholics and am now currently sponsering 2 though I now believe I have no business doing so and am in the process of suggesting alternatives to them. I can be the best sober buddy right now, I think I do have a lot to offer, but I don't think I'm qualified to sponser at this point, taking someone through the steps I mean, in my humble opinion. I've looked at my motives and I don't think I'm trying to shirk my responsibility as a recovering alcoholic but that I realize I'm not quite there YET. I've been through the steps but I'm not sure I've got them enough to articulate them to someone else other than just spouting phrases out by rote. That's why I sought out the AWOL and now am in the process of doing a Big Book Step Study. Maybe I'm wrong but I'd rather be safe than sorry. I said yes to these 2 women more for the reason that "I'm just a girl who cain't say no". I am finding I am more involved in helping them work out their daily life than in taking them through the steps. I don't think that's how its supposed to be. The alcoholics that I've reached out to are those who show up at meetings. I do the usual...share my experience, give them my phone number, take their calls, make a few suggestions, give rides, etc. That's where I am right now.So I guess my question is....what if you know a person outside of the meetings, who exhibits alcoholic behavior, whose lost their job because of it, who is not someone in your family or circle but happens to be an acquaintance. One is a gentleman who the people he works with claim he is an alcoholic whether by his own admission or not I don't know. Whether he has ever sought recovery or not I don't know. I don't really know him at all, just of him. The other was an aide at my mother's facility. She was my mother's favorite, had been there 6 years, the longest of any of the aides and was arrested on site for apparently stealing meds from another resident. She denies it. Is this the kind of person to reach out to in a 12th step call? I know back in the day that is how Dr. Bob and Bill found their prospects. These people have not asked for help but their lives have fallen apart. During meditation this morning it came to me that I could approach them with another alcoholic. Explain my story and offer to help if they so desired. Is that overstepping boundries? I just really am not sure. And if I'm not sure I do nothing until I talk it over with my sponser and in this case seek opinion from those with more experience.
7 comments:
OBOY!!! This is a tough one, giving advice to someone who actually ASKS for it. I'm accustomed to dishing it out for those who have NO desire for me or anyone to tell them how to "do-it"!
By the end of this day you should have at least 15 comments on how to handle your dilemma.
My response is: No matter HOW you figure this out, e.g., God speaking through your sponsor, through an f2f meeting, through us bloggers, through your own prayer, or through a friend, you WILL figure it out. And please let the final judge be God.
Let Him lead you, guide you, put words in your speech, and let Him allow you to show your love for others as you do His will in helping them.
If it were ME, I'd "jump right in", because there is absolutely NO HARM which I can do to another's sobriety. If they wanna drink, they'll drink, and vice versa. At the very least, the (new?) person will have someone who cares, talk to them privately, give support, encouragement, and HOPE! THAT is what we (I) am about any more.
Now remember, that last paragraph was NOT advice....but TRY it! -grin
help-a-roni
Double Dipper Steve says: "YESSSSS" I totally agree, if ya haven't followed Mary's Twelve Steps for the past Twelve Days, go there NOW--that's an order?--
This is SO GOOD...and it's FREE! It's worth lots more than any twelve days in a $1,200 per day rehab, IMHO. And I MEAN THAT! It's more AA than I could get in a "Twelve-Step Weekend" in some resort. Got it? OK!
step-a-roni
I think sponsoring is something that has to feel right--for both the sponsor and sponsee. Just like in AA, I want to know if the person is willing to go to any length to work on recovery. It sounds as if you are doing some great service work.
outside rooms?
I say I know a really nice guy who used to have a problem with drinking too much and has sorted it out, and im sure he'd be happy for me to pass on his number if you'd like to chat to him about it
sort of thing
i get a man for a man
a woman for a woman
if it os outside work i MIGHT break my anonymity to a woman only. men get too emotionally dependent otherwise. plus they are less likely to BS to impress the woman
outside rooms?
I say I know a really nice guy who used to have a problem with drinking too much and has sorted it out, and im sure he'd be happy for me to pass on his number if you'd like to chat to him about it
sort of thing
i get a man for a man
a woman for a woman
if it is outside work i MIGHT break my anonymity to a woman only. men get too emotionally dependent otherwise. plus they are less likely to BS to impress the woman
I know from personal experience that I had to be ready before I was open to anything. I had family members say things to me but I just did everything in my power to isolate myself from them. If I thought someone knew, I did everything I could to avoid the topic. My personal experience is that a person has to be ready. That's just me.
you can have a chat with them, maybe even share your story if you have enough trust and faith in them, and let them know that you are there for them, if they should need advice or help. but that is all you can do. i wasn't ready to stop drinking, until i was ready, you weren't ready to stop drinking until you were ready. they aren't ready to stop drinking until they are ready to stop drinking...
I think you need to feel right about teaching the 12 steps before taking on a sponsee. I feel the same as you: more than willing to extend a hand to a fellow alcoholic in need and to point them to the steps and discuss them and my experience. But I feel far from an expert enough to tell someone how to implement them.
As for those who have not asked for help, but seem to have a problem, I think approaching them with another AA member would seem sort of like an ambush. If it were me, I might be open somehow with the individual about my alcoholism and how great my life has been since getting sober, but without any implication that the individual has a problem. Then it's up to them to ask me more. I'm open to pretty much anyone about my addiction,no matter who they are, so it would just be chit chat to me (assuming there was am appropriate place in the conversation to drop that aspect of my life in. Seeing that my sobriety is huge, it would be likely to come up.)
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