Relief

We were discussing this morning how some people are experiencing the obsession to drink or use. Staying sober but struggling. Just coming back. We also talked about our alcoholic thinking twisting things around. Seems to me, that what we are really looking for is relief. Once the obsession to drink has been lifted, its gone, IMHO. What we are really looking for is relief and our alcoholic minds tells us we will find it in a drink. And if we are deluded into believing that and take that drink, we trigger the dreaded phenomenon of craving and then all bets are off and my choices are limited. I'm 51 years old. With the exception of early childhood and the last 2 years, I used alcohol to make my life bearable. It was the answer to good times and bad times. Even worse, I had no control over it. I have a disease and I wasn't treating it. And soon what I was using to make life bearable began to make my life unbearable When I experience these things now, I still need relief and I have learned new ways to achieve them. I can go to a meeting, I can talk to another alcoholic preferably my sponser, I can be of service, I can write it out, I can PRAY.....my sobriety is contingent on the maintenance of my spiritual condition which I acquired through the 12 steps. All of these things are where I find my relief now. how I stay tight. Life still happens. Teenage boys still get in trouble with the police, husbands still don't behave the way I'd like, daughters are still self centered, bosses are still delusional, moms are still dependent and so on....life goes on...nothing changes if nothing changes. The only thing that has changed in my life equation is ME. And because of that everything has changed. Thank God for that because many of us lose our lives. I'm not ready yet.