Sunday, June 14, 2009
Didn't Go
I'm not sure I made the right decision. I prayed about it. But I decided not to go to the funeral for N this afternoon. Lots of things played into this. I think the number one reason I didn't go is to refute the idea that I must go. That I had to be there. Not to mention that its a miserable day and we have yet another graduation party to attend for my son's friend. I don't think it would have been negligible whether I was there of not. And frankly, I wasn't a friend. I think when I was thinking about going I was thinking more about myself. What paying my respects would do for me. He was someone I saw at a meeting. I am sure there were lots of people there to offer support to his family who wouldn't know me from a hole in the wall. I suppose my presence would have offered support to other AAs in attendence. A show of strength. Or is it a see and be seen thing? I can offer my support at the meeting and I have. I can pray for N and his family that they find peace and strength and I have. I'm still not sure I've made the right decision but I guess it is because its the decision I made. R.I.P. N
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7 comments:
"I'm still not sure I've made the right decision but I guess it is because its the decision I made."
All the more reason to be SO certain that you DID make the correct decision.
Once a decision has been made (especially if it's under adult supervision -grin) don't look back. Other things await attention!
PEACE,
S
I don't feel obliged to show my face at functions. and I don't respond to being guilt tripped or pressured into going. I assume many others show up out of unthinking obligation who may or may not want to be there.
Sounds like you don't want to go. which is fair enough.
You did what you needed to do. That's okay. Your thoughts were with him. He is on a different journey now. Peace to you.
going to a funeral is a personal decision. it's your private mourning and paying respects that counts.
i think it was the perfect decision b/c it's the one you made :) i was trying to find a right or wrong in there somewhere but i keep coming up empty handed.
You listened to your gut/inner child, whatever. I think it's a good idea to listen to your doubts and honor them. It helps me to trust myself when I do that.
You gave what you could when he was living. Funerals are for the living and not the dead. So if there is nothing to be done by you for his still living family, then you certainly made the right decision. To do otherwise is IMO dishonest and I struggle with that too. Appearances in death count for nothing. You avoided the great temptation to wrap a bad motive or feeling inside a good one and rationalize the hell out of it. Bravo. Progress!
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