Bottoms

I've been thinking on this lately as one of the women in my morning group has been struggling. She has lost her kids, is in trouble with the law, etc. She has been trying to put together 30 days for a long time. But she is fighting and we have been talking. She thinks I am lucky because my bottom does not involve institutions, jail or death. On the face of it, maybe she's right. But I have learned to identify not compare.

I did not lose the physical presence of my children. I lost their respect. In fact, I think she is lucky because if she can get sober through the Grace of God, she has the opportunity to be a sober mother to her children through their childhood and teens. I lost that. I can only be an example to them now and earn their respect back.

No, I was never arrested for drunk driving but I should have been. Had I been caught, perhaps I would have asked and received the help I needed at an earlier date thus saving me and my family from additional heartache.

No, I have not been close to death, but I cleaned my uncle's scalp from the bathroom floor when he died alone from falling down drunk in the bathroom and was dead for a month before we found him. I rescued my mother from death when I found her in an alcoholic stuper on New Year's Day, 2003 which resulted in her permanent disability of Korsakoff's Syndrome. And I drank through it all. To the point of losing control of my own bodily functions and other gross stuff I'm sure we all know about. Until I finally just got sick and tired of being sick and tired.

So I guess my point is, our bottoms may be different but how we get there is not. We were unable to control our drinking. And there is a solution. One that can lead us to a life that is happy, joyous and free. I am grateful to have found it and to have the opportunity to help others find it.